Help me thru this sitch

[Pudmuddle]

Oh, and something else he said during that last convo regarding the playing games "I can't believe someone would do that to someone they love". This is exactly what made me feel terrible for the 4-5 years we were going downhill...This is where I had begun to completely devalue myself and became an awful negative person to be around. He has never, ever said this to me before and I wish he had sooner. He is the good-at-keeping-it-all-in type. But let's it explode 5 years later? How awful that must've been to keep that inside all this time.