WAW hasn't walked yet, but emotionally dead

[mako]

More of the same today. I'm just trying to live my life, but at the same time be nice and kind to W. She knows that I'm here, but she also has her own space. I do things like saying good morning and good night, asking what she is up to...in the past I often avoided the small talk that I felt was just mundane, but now see that it is necessary to feeling a connection. These are big 180's and I will keep them up, I don't think it is seen as pursuing, just as being nice. Certainly, it is something I feel she would need if she were to come back to me, so I will show her that I am capable, so long as I don't feel that she is resenting it. In any event, it just feels good to be nice!

Today she was off to the dentist. I asked what she planned on doing the rest of the day, she said "just wandering around." I said "that may be good for you, but don't feel like you have to stay away on my account," she said "I know." She just needs some space to think I guess. As she left I said hope you feel better, and she started to get a little teary, said this isn't something where you can just feel better right away. Then she left...

So still, I feel that she might be doubting herself the slightest bit. At the very least it seems really hard on her. For two months we had little contact--she had severely distanced herself in September, in response to which I just withdrew in return, then in October she was gone most of the month on work trips and a visit to her grandparents overseas. Our relationship was ice cold. That probably made it easy to just let me go, as it let her just focus on all the negatives with no positives. Now she is home, and with all this out that tension has gone down quite a bit, and maybe she is seeing it's not as easy as she thought. I don't know, just looking for something positive in all this.

Tonight I will probably go out on my own, start to GAL a little bit. I need that for me, just to get out of the house...