You are a glutton for punishment, you know that? I don't mean to burst your bubble, but you have these big plans for this "talk" and all you want to say to her. And know what? By her actions, she really couldn't care less. At the moment it doesn't matter if you think she had affairs....because she's done.
Let me ask you something. If an old girlfriend that you don't care about anymore (can you envision an old gf?) walked up to you and wanted to know things about your old relationship, like did you cheat on her, would you give her the time of day? No, because it's over. You think about your wife's response in the same light. You aren't on the same page. She is burning bridges while you are trying to build them.
So forget about this talk you want. Forget about your big plans to get some truths out of her and have a heart-to-heart that will change her mind. Tear up your letter and write one that includes your plans for YOU (and just you).
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
