Hey Neighbor! I think boundaries are the biggest problem for me right now. We've been separated for a month but somehow I see her on a daily basis. Tuesday she even 'showed up' out in front of my youngest daughter's school when she knew I would be picking her up. She didn't have anything to drop off, I think she just wanted to see the kids a few hours before I was scheduled to drop them off.
I didn't get too nasty with her, just spelled it out in no uncertain terms.
Just caught up on your thread. I am so happy to see the both of you are trying to make this as easy on your kids as possible (moving when they couldn't watch, balancing visiting times). W seems dead set on making sure she knows what you are doing, popping in, adding a jab or two for fun, and popping out. You are doing well remaining calm and setting a boundary.
I am proud of you for removing yourself from a situation that was becoming unhealthy for you. Will keep up on your posts.
Hi Steve! I just realized that you started this thread in Separated. Sounds like you have put yourself in a much healthier place over the past 6 weeks or so. Good for you!
I would add on the dating thing. I have not started dating for two reasons: 1. Don't want to bring another person into this mess, especially if there is even a tiny chance that we could decide to work on our R again.
2. Am honoring my marriage vows, despite W's stated distain for them.
Actually there is a third reason and that is that we are only separated by a wall (she is living in the guest room of our house).
Not sure if this helps to give you any new perspective, but just one more voice in the wilderness!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Yeah, the dating thing is a definite no go for me and I realize that. For me, the reason is your #1 above. I basically am tired of living on the set of Jerry Springer and I don't want to do anything to add to that mess.
As for honoring my vows... well, I think those have pretty much been trashed by her at this point so I'm not so concerned with that.
For me, I am living on the opposite end of town. Although it is a small town of only about 100K people, the few miles in between give me what I need. I pretty much see her on a daily basis due to the kids (their activities), but I can safely go grab a beer at night and not have to worry about seeing any mutual friends.
Hey Steve, stay focused on yourself bud. Sounds like you are doing a pretty good job of that.
Just wanted to pop in and say hey and that you seem to be doing well under the circumstances. How long you stand is on you, but do not stop standing if you do not want it to be over. That is not one of those fake it till you make it decisions.
Thanks! Didn't see your post yesterday. Yes, I think we are doing a good job with the kids. They seem to be adjusting to the situation fairly well, at least on the surface. We're trying to not let this get in the way of their lifes in terms of who has them at any certain time. D15 is having a b-day party back over at the house tonight even though it is her weekend with me. Ditto on D13 and a school dance last night. Mom picked her up afterwards and took her to hang out with her friends afterwards.
Getting out of the house was definitely good for me, even though I miss my kids, friends, neighbors, and lifestyle very much. Getting better every day though.
Side Note: I'm heading up to SEMO next weekend for a little "me time". Going to do some duck hunting between Sikeston and Poplar Bluff.
Ian,
Great to hear from you man! I think I'm getting better at focusing on myself and kids. It's hard when you've spent so much of your life being a 'fixer' for someone else. I'm trying not to worry about things. Again, that gets easier/better each day.
