Wow, what a pathetic mom. Even if they had done it without her prompting (mad her your H for the fling), she still exposed the whole thing to her kids by having an affair. She sounds quite unstable. Glad you didn't 'fight' back.
I hope you are right and its over with them. Your H seems to be coming out of the fog.
So true, how pathetic. She is not a good mother at all! I can't imagine putting my child up to anything like that. Gee, that's sending your kids a good message, huh?
LWB, I saw your pix on myspace ... cute kids!! I created an account but have not posted to it yet. I actually have a photo of OW!!
What did he see in her? It certainly was not her looks! I think it was the fact that she was also in a broken relationship. I think she really played that card for all it was worth. I know they talked about it a lot. My H was not the first PA she has had. I'm sure she pursued him for all she was worth thinking she was winning herself quite a prize. Not that my H was innocent in it, but I really think she had a bigger part in it that he did. And now he is seeing her for what she really is ...
He has what I call a red-neck friend; a guy I don't care for. He hardly holds a job, parties all day, avoids responsibility... OW was living with this guy when she was living on the lamb, hiding out from the law to avoid a DUI charge. That's where H met her.
I really think he was just out of control and she walked into his life at the wrong time.
Joie, I'm glad your Halloween night was so good. It does sound like you and your H are making progress. Here's hoping that things continue on this path.
Hope, thanks ... I hope so, too. Sometimes I feel so much in limbo even so.
My poor daughter felt the sting of 'infidelity' tonight. She has been dating a boy for a couple months now. She heard through the grape vine that he kissed another girl a couple of weeks ago. Apparently a girl who is 'close' to him. So, after confronting him about it tonight, she broke up with him and is now home in tears. She told him "how can I go out with you if I can't trust you?" Wow ... out of the mouths of babes. I can't believe those words came out of her.
Part of me is really proud she said that. On the other hand, I hope that the sitch with her father has not made this thing called TRUST a big issue with her. I just wonder...
Your daughter is doing what she should be doing at her age. It's very good. And it's way better for her to break up with him than it is for him to break up with her. So I would be thrilled to see my daughter acting so responsibly in the situation.
Sounds like your H was really slumming with OW. Maybe there was some mystique to all the tawdriness at first, and then it just became tawdry. Kind of like that episode of Seinfeld when Elaine is dating some guy who won't take her back to his apartment and acts mysterious, so she figures he is married. And then it turns out that he's just poor, and she can't believe that she's been dating him.
I hope your husband will recommit to your amrriage and family. If he does you should look into a Retrouvaille or Imago weekend to deal with the bad feelings on both sides after the affair. We tend to think that we are the only ones who are hurting, but it isn't true. And as long as we don't understand the other person's feelings, it is difficult to truly rebuild the marriage. My husband and I went to Retrouvaille less than a year ago, and it changed our lives. I can't even believe that this time last year he was planning to divorce me and replace me with her, and I was consumed with hatred. Now, we are like newlyweds again. Ich, even I find it gross sometimes!
Sara, I am proud of my D for what she did and the responsibility she showed. Makes me feel like I've done something right as a parent!
I like the analogy of my H's affair with the Seinfeld episode. He did actually say early after d-day that it "wasn't the right thing to do." I don't know what he thinks now, but it does seem like his fog is lifting. I would love to thank OW for doing everything you're not supposed to do in DBings -- pursuing, whining, being angry, etc!! She's contributing to her own downfall, which pleases me to no end.
I would love, love, love to do Retrouvaille! I've never heard of Imago but will look into it. We're not at that point now, but hopefully sometime next year. It sounds like you and your H have the R that I am dreaming of. The fairy tale with the happy ending where everyone lives happily ever after...
I have learned that ever after is a very long time. But we are getting along, and if that changes I hope we can be sane enough to apply the skills they taught us and help ourselves get back on track. I know it would be easy to convince him to do a refresher weekend if we ever needed it. We both really enjoyed the weekend. I don't really know anything about Imago, but so many people seem to balk at the priest being part of Retrouvaille, that I recommend it as a completely secular alternative. (I'm Jewish, and the priest's role did not bother me at all, but people are different.)
Sara, From what I've read, even though Retro is Catholic-based, you can opt out of the mass services? I may have read that here. What other role did the priest have in the weekend? (I'm not Catholic.)
Interesting dinner tonight. H talked to our D about what happened with her BF last night. A couple things were said but then H asked if she was working it out with him. She said, I don't know. He asked why. She said, pretty vehemently ... BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON ME! He said calmly, "I understand."
For a moment, I thought we were going to get into a very interesting conversation, but it was dropped. However, I think I may need to have a more in-depth talk with her. I have told her anytime she wants to talk about things, I am here. I have tried to get her to ask questions, but she won't. She's very private. The only thing she has ever asked me about her Dad and OW was (with tears in her eyes), "Did he really take her to the beach?"
I explained to her at that time (4 months ago) that her Dad and I had been having problems for awhile but I didn't know what to do about it. But I told her that I did love him and now we had a chance to face things and work them out.
But given her reaction to her BF, and what she said tonight, I think I'll try again. Not sure how to do that yet ...
