There and Back #12

[SallyM]

I don't believe that, mk. I know men who are more than capable of giving great love. just look around this board. it gives me hope, actually. I think we both just drew the short straw.

halloween was good. S3 balked at wearing a costume, like I knew he would. by around 4 he was really, really scared. last year he didn't trick or treat at all, it all just freaked him out, I wasn't surprised that he started getting a bit worried about it this year. I finally talked him into trying 3 houses, and he could hold my hand and just stay on the sidewalk with me if he wanted, and i wouldn't make him wear a costume if he really didn't want to. poor baby, he was just shaking with fear, and that is not what this is about, not at the age of 3.

h came over as the other 2 were getting in their costumes. he asked what we had for dinner, and asked if he could have some...told him to help himself. all very civilized. he helped himself to dinner, and then to pie (yeah, wonder if ow bakes for him or if everything is store bought? not that it matters, really, he still chose her, so blech). he didn't think s3 should be allowed to trick or treat w/o a costume. if he was 8, yeah, I would agree, but 3, hey, cut the kid some slack.

then it was time to head out, and it was so much fun! s3 got the hang of it rather quickly and instead of turning back for home after 3 houses, he wanted to keep going. he turned to me at one point, huge grin, and said, "this is fun!!!" I was soooo happy. after about a dozen houses, I went back home to hand out candy here. worked out great, I got to see them at some houses/take some pics, and still was able to limit my time around H. It was fun seeing all the costumes on the kids that came by....I just love halloween.

he brought them back and helped me put them to bed. I tucked them in, then came down to hand out candy while he went up to kiss goodnight. I hopped on the phone while he was up there so I was "busy" when he was ready to leave. he looked like he wanted to talk, I told my sister to hang on and looked inquiringly at him, but he realized I was holding firm on the "I don't want to talk to you except about business/kid stuff" so he said bye and left.

I think part of me wants him to miss me. I do. I'll admit it freely. but mostly its just what I need to do. like OT tells donna, talking/joking with him is like a nip from a bottle for me...makes me want him again, remember who he used to be, and all that I have lost. it just perpetuates the pain at this point. I am not hostile, just distant. like he was a stranger, pretty much. I'm polite, but no more.

anyway, such was our night. have to go look at their loot again before the school run.

hope everyone has a good day.