So we've agreed that we will be pursuing the big D, but I don't think she spoke to her lawyer today even though she left work early. The kids went out with groups of friends and parents so W and I were left alone in the house for a while. Things suddenly feel awkward when we are alone.
I had dropped a CD in her car this morning with songs that I've been listening to recently. Not particularly love songs. They actually progress from themes of 'how could things go so wrong' and 'things could work out' to 'it's over now'. Anyhow, I was curious if she had listened to it as she didn't mention anything about it. I went out to the garage and turned on the car and the CD that was playing was not mine, but a mix of mushy love songs. My stomach dropped.
I know... not the best DBing form. I asked her about my CD and she said she had listened to some of it. I told her that it was intended to show her how I've been feeling for the past four months. Then I mentioned the other CD I had found. Of course she got pissed.
Although we are talking about the D process, it is still not the way I really want all of this to go. Unfortunately, the more I find out and the more I think about what was happened, the more I believe that it wouldn't work any other way. I think the R ended the wrong way. I think it was more his decision than hers and she will always carry around this heartbreak. Knowing that she is still listening to her love song CD really made that clear to me. I really believe that if we were to reconcile, she wouldn't be able to put 100% into it and if the OG was available a year down the road, she would split in a heartbeat.
