I just read through some of your posts. As for what's going on with your H, I don't know. I have never seen your H and I have not known the person all along. What I do know is this. Before the s**t hits the fans (and this is based on my dealings with people from the board), spouses are one way before it hits and another after. I can't diagnose (nor can anyone else) MLC from your posts. In my case, one it hit, there was a total chance and it took a bit of time and retrospect to see signs were there all along.
But you ask for advise. First, you don't have to have an attorney to be served D papers. So I don't know why his attorney wants you to get an attorney. I am divorced and never hired an attorney because my situation was simple and I said change this and it was changed. Having said that, it is good that you have an attorney. Also, since your attorney said there are no grounds, and knowing you do not want this, I would listen to his advice.
You will find that I don't like the MLC defense around here (yes, there is an MLC, but you are looking for solutions). The reason is simple. It makes this all about the H and remember it takes two to tango. First, you have to see what your role is in all of this. maybe it is nothing. Maybe you didn't see the signs. Again, I do not know. And anyone who tells you they do is full of baloney because there just isn't enough info for any of us to know. Looking in the mirror is key to your recovery no matter what happens.
Now, what about you. Yes. You are very sad and I understand that. It is very difficult to be in your situation having been there before. But let me ask you a question. If you think you want to leave a marriage, would you be inclined to change your mind with a sad spouse. I think not. So, it is of utmost importance that you develop a positive attitude towards life. You need to become strong. Yes, it isn't easy. But no strength isn't going to help.
I am not saying you can flip a switch, but since you read DB, you will recognize one of the key points is the notion of detachment. The reason for this is simple. You need to remove yourself from his gyrations. You are trying to figure something out, but you don't know what it really is. So MLC or no MLC, what do you have. You have your life as is. What is most likely to give you the best chance of success - worrying about eveything he does or worrying about the things you control. Because the DB book makes it very clear that you cannot control what someone else does, rather only what you do. All the concepts and ideas in the world won't help if you can't control your emotions. So that is your first decision to control your emotions and to live your life as is to the best of your ability.
Also, if you want to know about MLC, I suggest the Conway site. It has everything you need to know about MLC. But I caution you, many people have some symptoms, even healthy people. Conway has experience with working with people that people here lack.
Good luck. DB is about solutions, not unsubstantiated concepts or ideas any nut could post to an Internet site.
