Need Help/ Suggestions - Part 2

[NoDirection]

Finally got some professional help with my anger and emotions yesterday. I feel that this will help me in the long run. Whether or not it can help save my marriage, who knows.

I do have some reservations with my M altogether. I sitll want to be with my wife and pray that she can forgive me for what I have done to get us to this point. I know it is in God's hands and his path is where I am going to go.

It hurts me though to know that my son will be affected by this. Right now he is a happy child with no cares in the world. The uncertainty of all of this is what is really getting to me. In the meantime, I am going to try and fix the problems I have and move forward from there.

[NoDirection]

Another rough day. I find an email from a different man talking about chatting and hanging out. It may be innocent but I am really doubtful of that.

Talk to her on the phone and ask a question that blows up in response to. It seems that everytime things may be going to something good, there is something that drags us back to square one.

I still can not think of the time where I can not see my son on an everyday basis. I still love her madly but it does not seem that there is anything in return...

[Handful of Rain]

No Direction, Hi my friend, just trying to catch up with everyone, I've been away for a while.

Those rough days are hard to get through, especially when you think there is nothing worth fighting for, I've been there, and here lately, I've found myself there in a different way, (see my latest post for what I mean) I've looked at my W and asked myself some questions that I've never thought I would ask, and it was just a part of growing in all of this, though, most days will seem the same, there will be days when everything will be better/worse, those are the times, when my faith gets me through it.

I pray when things are bad, that they will get better, and when things are better, I pray that they will continue to be that way, all the while, knowing that for the most part it will soon be back to normal, and I realize the most important thing that I should really be praying for, is just peace and understanding, not mine, or my wife's plans, but God's. It is hard to put your self aside and do that, but it is what is best for us. Take care.

[NoDirection]

Rain,
Good to hear from you. As for me, I overheard a conversation with OM that bascially solidified the whole struggle for me. Now I am looking for representation and looking at what would be best for our son. It is over.

I am tired of being the whipping post for the decisions she has made in her life. I am tired of being told I am boring and that I drain the fun out of her life. I am tired of being the one blamed for the poor decisions she has made in her life. I am moving forward with or without her. Eventhough I say it is over, I still want to work it out. I have not witnessed a speck of interest on her side of it.

After 5 months of trying to figure out what would even change her behavior toward me I cashing in my chips and walking away from the table...

[Handful of Rain]

NoDirection, sorry to hear things have taken such a turn, and I agree that you have to do the best for your son, the decision to D is now in your hands, and I know that it is tough one, everyone has to decide when they've reached their breaking point, I sometimes think I have with such little interest on her part as well, I would like to share with you a little about my last C session.

I went into my last C session feeling like it was time to move on, it's been almost a year, I've waited for a sign that things are changing for so long, and have seen very little to nothing on her part. but then then the C told me that I am putting to much emphasis on quantity and not on the quality of the signs. She basically had to spell it out for me, like this.

1. The D has more than likely been dismissed, neither my W or her attorney have been in contact with the court for a very long time, also no more talk about diving our property and getting my things.

2. The facts of the baby situation that the baby is due the end of this month, first of next, means that the baby is not the OM, and unless there was someone else I don't know about, I am the father.

3. The last couple of times we talked, we didn't fight at all, and she did initiate the first contact.

Until my C put it that way, I didn't see the reason to carry on, and hold out anymore. but now, I am just putting it all in God's hands, because no matter how many there were, I know that all of those signs are from Him.

What I am trying to say is whether it has been 5 months or a couple of years, God does things in His time, not ours. I am not telling you to hold out, that is your decision, I am saying it might be a good idea for you to go back and see if there has been any signs from God on the way you should go. Go back and count the blessings He has given you, and the costs that you have experienced, then count any blessings, if any and the costs, of what a D will do, to everyone. Take your time, you might even tell the W how you are feeling, that maybe a D would be the best thing. and if it comes to that, you would like to try to do it in a mutual and friendly way, it will benefit everyone, especially your son. You are in my prayers, my friend. Take care.

I went into my last C session feeling like it was time to move on, it's been almost a year, I've waited for a sign that things are changing for so long, and have seen very little to nothing on her part. but then then the C told me that I am putting to much emphasis on quantity and not on the quality of the signs. She basically had to spell it out for me, like this.

I like that perspective - Very helpful. Not anywhere close to a year (yet?), but it certainly helps to appreciate the positive signs that occur.

[NoDirection]

I understand what you are saying. In the last two weeks the following things have occured in our R. More of them are bad than good and I am not going into this saying I want a divorce, I want to start moving toward something...
Negatives
1. After our son's birthday party, my wife leaves to go out with friends. Tells me I am boring and I do not make her happy.
2. She does not return home until seven the next night after drinking the next day.
3. The following Monday she tells me that she no longer has fun with me and would rather go out by herself than do anything with me.
4. I recieve a call at work from her and she proceeds to scream at me for the next 20 minutes blaming me for the person she has become and for the fact that her grandmother is calling her selfish, stubborn, and self-centered.
5. That Friday I over hear her telling another man that she wants to have his children and has never felt the way she does when she is with him.
6. During all of this time she stays at home with the family only two nights in two weeks.

Positives
1. Today is my birthday and she has asked to do things with me today.
2. She did buy me a birthday gift.

In all honesty, I believe she is waiting for me to initiate the D. It has only been 5 months but I am reaching the breaking point. Some perspective on all of this isappreciated...

[nutfarmer]

Document, document, document. No matter which way this goes, you are the responsible adult in the relationship and you need to look out for the best interests of your son.

[Handful of Rain]

NoDirection, First of all, I agree with nutfarmer, and I plainly see that there have been more negatives then positives at this point. What you do now is your decision, it sounds like your W, just like mine really needs some C, but until they are willing to admit it and go, there is nothing you can do.

And I will admit it is quite a dance of emotions, when you are dealing with a WAS, but know that no matter what, healing is God's plan in all of this, yours is the only one that you can control, at this point, so just let your W keep walking her path, whether it leads back to you or not. Allow God to deal with her.

BTW, were you ever able to find a Christian C? The procedure that my C uses is called Theophostic. You can find out more about it and maybe a C in your area that practices it, at this website http://www.theophostic.com. I hope that can be of some help to you.

I know the frustration, and confusion you are going through, all too well, but remember, it will all become clear as to what path to follow as you let God heal you and continue to follow His plan for your life. Take care, my friend.

[NoDirection]

We had it out again yesterday and i called attention to her going out and living a life without me. I also asked why she is still in this realtionship, to which she pointed to our son.

I know there are things going on behind my back and they are going to be addressed. even through all of this I want to keep my family intact. But the question is, is it fair to our son and myself to have a W/M going out on her own and living a life without either one of us? What example does that set for our son and if this continues down this path, what type of home will he be living in?