Laughing, I hope you don't feel your thread is being hijacked. It did cross my mind that posting what I did yesterday was a bit "strong". I think what allowed me to move forward though, in my case, was to drop every vestige of wishful thinking that I was dealing with a "normal" person in any shape or form, and to have utter clarity about what I was dealing with in my H. It takes a lot of research, reading, sharing on forums etc and soul searching. I remember you saying a couple of years ago, that at base your H was not a bad person. I realised then that you didn't yet have the full measure of him.
Ellie, that link is strange, when I first came across it about three years ago, I was able to access many of the earlier chapters. The part where she is keening is really the culmination of months/years (I forget the exact time line) of her husband's utterly evil machinations to steal her (their) daughter away from her. If you think betrayal, deception and divorce are bad enough, you ain't seen the half of it until you realise your ex other-half will stop at nothing short of poisoning the bond betweeen you and your own children and taking them away from you, both physically and in every other way. There can be nothing more heart breaking than finding your dearly beloved children shunning you, spewing hate at you, behaving as if you are the evil one, or shutting you out of their lives altogether. There really are some people out there who want to DESTROY others, maybe not through physical murder, but in every other way. And having been your intimate, they know just where your underbelly is. If you have been a devoted mother all your children's lives, then naturally, that's where they will strike. On top of that, they will continue to somehow appear to be normal, right, and even the poor victim in all of this. Your "going crazy" will be the icing on the cake, they can then point to you and say "See what I had to deal with?" and all the bystanders will nod sympathetically.
Sometimes I think my own NH is too lazy and stupid to be a real danger to me, but I will never let my guard down. We are dealing with people WITHOUT conscience, and that is very dangerous.
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
