I don't know what possessed me to drive over there last night. Then I don't know what possessed me to go knock on the door with kids in tow. OW's boyfriend answered the door. I channelled lwb and politely asked "May I speak to my husband please?" Ow's BF shut the door. H came out five min later.
I just looked at him. He said we had to leave because "they" were calling "someone". That's how we ended up driving around. He is so full of lies. All of it. Lies. He can't even keep them straight at this point. He INSISTS that it is platonic and that he sleeps on the floor.
The kids were sleeping, but S2 eventually woke up cranky. I brought the kids home. H fell asleep on the couch while I was putting them to bed.
This morning he was perfectly pleasant. Weirdo. He said that he knows he hasn't been a good father lately and that his behavior is very selfish, but he feels like he has to take care of himself right now. He says he's been thinking about his mom a lot (she died 5 1/2 years ago), and sometimes he feels like a child. He started crying then and said that he has to tell himself that he loves himself. I hugged him then. He really is lost. He says he has things to work out. He says he has also thought about what he has put me through and he is ashamed to face my family. I told him my family respects that this is my life and my family. If they can't respect my decisions, then it is on them.
Anyway, when it comes down to it, nothing has really changed except that, in my heart and mind, I now have no doubt that there is another woman. It is the same person as the June phone calls and the same person I saw him with a few weeks ago. Friends my ass.
I don't know what the deal is with the BF. Either he is really naive or just a doormat. My SIL doesn't believe he is the boyfriend, but I have talked to him twice and I believe he is. He is "pretty sure they are just really good friends".
There you have it folks. Yes, I have definitely done it again. Actually, H did. I just exposed it.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
I'm glad you are okay, neph. sounds like your h has some problems. I guess its true what they say, its not about us, its about them. hard to accept that, but there is some truth to it.
try to have a good night...and good sleep...tonight. (((HUGS)))
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
None of it makes much sense except the part about him feeling like a child. That is pretty apparent. Sounds like it wasn't a bad interaction, you were a safe place for him to come to. I'm glad he wasn't angry. Maybe he will grow up some on her floor. You have enough children. Wait until he can be a husband and father before you take him back.
Neph....I'm tempted to think that perhaps he really is sleeping on their floor. She may be a 'rescuer' and has taken him in like a stray cat. Unless her bf is twice as codependent as she or your h is, I doubt that he would be ignorant of a PA in his house. Unless of course, he isn't really her bf at all.
REgardless, it is still an EA that your h has going on and if it's support he's getting then in his eyes he hasn't really done anything wrong. However, I feel that a wife has the right to know more about her h than anyone else and if he is confiding in other people (that aren't professionals and aren't okay with you) then that is breaking a boundary.
In any case....I thought I'd just point out that from your h's point of view, he may not think that what he is doing is wrong and may think you are p1ssed with him for reasons that you are unaware of.
Don't try to mind read. Deal with behaviour, not motives because you don't know what they are.
Thanks Casey. I think you may be right on a lot of the above points. However, I am pretty sure it as become physical. I don't know for sure though. What I do know is that he is borderline delusional and he is obsessed with her. He runs everything by her. It is disgusting. I think she plays a mother role for him.
I am tired of waiting for him. I am tired of carrying all the weight and getting nothing but lies in return. I am tired of having to carry two sleeping babies inside by myself. He has entered into a rapid downward spiral, and I don't know if he is ever coming out.
I think I am done. I'm thinking of filing. Maybe I'll wait till after the holidays. A couple of months won't make a difference at this point.
I am angry right now. Can you tell?
I was stupid this morning. I really cut things short earlier. When he woke up, he came into the bedroom and ende up laying next to me. Of couse he started to initiate sex. I was all for it, but realized he was back to his "no kissing" bs and was keeping his face turned away (even though he was initiating) so I just stopped. I said "O'm sorry. I just can't do this." He apologized and we just held each other for a while. Then he started again, but still no kissing. I didn't say anything, but I just stopped. I just can't go there with him. I felt used.
Before he got out of the car he said he would be by later tonight. Of course he changed his mind.
I'm just tired and only having one hour of sleep isn't helping.
The kids had fun Trick Or Treating. Thank God for these precious ones. They keep me smiling
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
