WAW hasn't walked yet, but emotionally dead

[mako]

Thanks for the advice. I've gotten through most of DB and am waiting on DR.

I know that I can't control her, I can only control myself, so I just gotta make myself the best that I can be. I really took to heart the notion that a relationship can be changed by just one person changing.

And yeah, pleading and begging is the worst. I did that at first (who doesn't?) and she totally closed off. Once I was more accepting of her views did she start to open up again.

I have already started a few 180's:

-Exercising--I used to when we dated, but hadn't in years, just never made time. Plus it's an outlet for stress, and being healthier doesn't hurt.

-Doing things on my own--she used to plan everything, past few days I've been going out myself just to do things alone, like go to museums, the bookstore, whatever, just to get out.

-Making conversation--just chit chat, I'm just talking to her. Letting her know that I'm around and if she needs to talk to me she can. This is another big 180, and was a point of hers in the bomb drop talk - she feels that whenever we talk it's just her doing all the talking. So I just talk to her some more, so long as she is sounding responsive.

-Going to therapy--I'm not the type of person who seeks help. She's even commented to me that she's proud I took this step, that it may do some good for me.

-Consoling--She broke down crying today, so I rubbed her back for a bit. She didn't feel super receptive, but wasn't icy either. I know this normally goes against the book, but it is a total 180 for me also so i just went with it. Since emotional connection is our biggest lack, anything that shows I'm changing would help I'd think (unless it appears that she is resenting it, then I back off). She then asked if it was weird or hard that she slept on the couch, I said it was hard but I understood if she needed to do that for the sake of having space. She said she would try the couch for a while then see.

As for the rest of the points, thanks. Main thing: give her what space she needs, because pressuring only pushes her away faster. I'm here and happy to discuss anything--if SHE wants to--but in the meantime I will just work on making myself happy. If I'm happy she might come back, but if she doesn't at least I'm happy.

It is just hard because it feels like she is questioning her decision, at least the littlest bit, so it makes me want to rush in and pull her back to my side, to hug her and kiss her and tell her I'll change. I know, I CAN'T do any of that, and I will stay strong. But it certainly isn't easy for her, and that's a plus...a lot better than her leaving and not looking back.