Quote: I just don't think she feels that way at all, and I think that realization is what has helped me with my acceptance of things too. I don't want her to come back out of convenience -- I want her to come back because she loves me again.
Totally agree with that second sentence -- you don't want to be the fallback choice. However, you don't know what she's thinking/feeling. Don't mindread, eh?
I know I don't know for sure, but it's been a year, and I'm no closer to my goals. I'm pretty sure I know how she feels today, though it is true those feelings can change at some point down the road. I just don't think they will with W.
And yeah, I did write her a letter a week for 4 weeks, outlining all of the things that I realized I did wrong, the ways I had hurt her, etc. They were apology letters, but they were soaked with pursuit too (this all occurred 1 month prior to discovering DBing). She did tell me at one point that she appreciated them because they gave her closure, and that they were right on the money. However, I have realized even more since then and would like to be able to write one more letter that addresses everything (including the other things I wrote about), but that doesn't contain any pursuit, guilt-trips, neediness, etc. I just want to write her a genuine apology with everything included for MY closure now. I think doing so after the D is a good idea, Heim. If she reads it as pursuit, you're right -- it is her problem. I would, however, love to hear her apologize for her mistakes over the years (but I don't believe that will ever happen, and I have to be okay with that -- she's never been the emotion-disclosing type).
