WAW hasn't walked yet, but emotionally dead

[mako]

Hi, first post, looking for any advice or comments.

W and I are in our late 20's, married 4 years, together 6, no kids. Everything seemed fine, but at some point we lost the connection (W thinks we never had it). We've always gotten along perfectly well, but just lost something. I was never particularly affectionate, and communication wasn't that great, taking each other for granted. I love her greatly, but I foolishly didn't treat her that way.

She told me a few months ago that she was having major problems with OR, and that she had been having these problems for a few years. My lack of affection toward her (I've never been a terribly affectionate person) and our lack of communication gave her serious doubts about the relationship. Anyway, I tried to do better, but it didn't work. She just shut me out and it was just cold between us. Either my efforts were not enough, or she had already made up her mind.

Now, she wants to leave me. Says she has emotionally died inside, something is missing and always has been, and we are just too fundamentally different to be happy together. We talked for several hours, and it was a lot better than it had been. She cried a lot, I cried a lot, and I've cried a lot today (these are actually huge 180's for me, see below). But I pretty much agreed with all her assessments, she truly does have to go for her well being. Still, I am devastated.

Anyway, I finally have come to the conclusion that I need some major changes in my life. I have always pretty much shut myself off emotionally; I don't share much, don't ask much, people rarely know what I'm feeling. It's no wonder my wife died inside, of course she would after a few years of that! And of course I couldn't fix anything, I was attacking the symptoms not the underlying problem. I want to be more open and communicative, not only with my SO but with all the close people in my life. It just leads to much richer relationships. I can see now that me and W were basically coasting along, and it could have gone that way for a long time. So, I don't blame her for taking drastic measures.

The reason behind me wanting to change is for me--make my life better, stop relying on someone else to make me happy, do it myself. It's not just to get my W back; I'm pretty sure she's already too far gone. Still, I wonder if I do change like this, if W would want to come back (and if I'd still want her, never know). Finally I see what she needs and was missing, and I think if I changed in the ways that I want to that we could be very good together. I'm starting therapy on Monday, hoping to get this process of change going, W isn't coming, as she sees no point.

Anyway, W isn't leaving immediately, but she's moved out of our room. She's looking for work out of state, and hopes to move out in around a month. This has been planned, we were both going to go (my job can be anywhere). She thinks I should still move (not with her of course), cause I have a bunch of friends there and few here. She says she cares about me immensely, thinks that we can be good friends and this all makes her sad and depressed. She doesn't want the friendship to end, just the marriage.

Thoughts? I'm feeling pretty hopeless right now...