I explained to him how my guard is up right now and I am not ready to let anyone in yet. I also told him that I wanted him to be as careful with is heart as I am being with mine, but I don't think he is listening to that advice. It sucks because I care about him and really don't want to hurt him. I just don't think this is going to end well, though.
Yeah, that's kind of my feelings on the matter too. For me, I know for a fact that this girl and I have nothing in common other than dancing, and that we're in two totally different places emotionally, as well as with maturity. It's simply physical for me (which is better than emotional), and I'm hoping that she isn't too attached to the idea of making some sort of an R with me (though I can't say I blame her! jk).
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Should this go on your date/not date thread?
Definitely! Mine probably should too!
MN,
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Well done on moving on, GD.
Well, getting closer anyway. I'm accepting the reality and inevitability of things almost completely, but still think about her and what she's thinking too much (I REALLY WISH I COULD STOP!).
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I'm sorry I don't comment much on other people's threads, esp. when they comment so much on mine. I guess I just don't have as much advice to give as folks here do. So, supportive comments when they seem called for is about what I can do
No worries, brotha -- supportive comments are great too! The more you learn/discover/realize, the more you'll be able to contribute. It all comes with experience. However, I think getting ideas from newbies who don't feel too knowledgeable can be good too. The more perspectives, the better -- and oftentimes I think those of us who've been here for a while forget about some things regarding DBing.
Thanks for stopping by, MN!
Heim,
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You've gone from someone who wanted to control your W with lots of anger issues to someone who is still willing to take his W back after she moved onto a boyfriend and now you feel guilty -- after 8 months of separation -- for having sex with a hot 19 year old. You are my hero.
Well, on Nov. 6th we'll actually have been separated for a year, but whose counting?
I don't feel guilty for what doing this means for my R/M with W, but for what it might mean for the girl I slept with. Hope it'll be no big deal with her if I tell her I'm not interested in pursuing any kind of R with her. I could honestly care less for what W might think about it. I think that going shopping at her store with the two girls before going on our road trip was a big step forward in getting to this point. Thanks for pushing me forward on that!
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I also think this will help you detach from your W. Now, the same thing could've been achieved with some heavy duty flirting maybe, but you do really think about your W a lot. In the last few weeks, you've seemed to move away from that.
Totally agree with this
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If I were to guess, based on nothing but intuition, she's probably questioning her choices. As you say though, she has a lot of pride and you both caused each other a lot of hurt.
If she does, I've come to believe that she only does because of the difficulty in her new lifestyle. Not because I've changed, am changing, she misses me, etc. I just don't think she feels that way at all, and I think that realization is what has helped me with my acceptance of things too. I don't want her to come back out of convenience -- I want her to come back because she loves me again, and am starting to realize that this is likely to NEVER happen. I've done too much damage (and it makes me sick).
I realize that I never complimented her enough on being a hard worker, loving mother, intelligence, etc, but instead criticized her in all of these areas if she did anything to jeopardize her credibility in these areas. I was a stickler, a controller, and a complete A-hole. I want to be able to give her compliments once in a while with regard to these things, but don't want her to take it as pursuing. I really want her to know that I am proud of her and who she is, and am sorry for being so anal about little things over the years. I want her to know that I'm sincere in saying these things, and that I will always mean them no matter what becomes of our R. I just wish she could believe me without thinking I'm just blowing smoke up her #ss. I wish she knew for sure that my kindness and good intentions from here on out are only genuine and have no alterior motives; that they are a part of me and who I am/want to be.
jk).
