Sandi, I want to give you my thoughts, hopefully helpful, on a few things you posted. Some about the differences I can imagine deal with male vs. female differences. Some comments where the feelings are the same between male and female, just according to me.
Sandi OM would come on line and see me and tell me how beautiful I was, etc. I am not into looks that much so I can imagine a woman telling me how intelligent or reliable I am would work. I am 6’ 3” tall and actually didn’t like people getting all enamored with my height.
I can understand a woman wanting to be told she is attractive. I see attractive women but also wonder what is special about the individual and what are they like past the beauty. Maybe your H is similar?
I was having a problem getting older and losing my looks and youth, so they were saying all the things I needed to hear Once again looks attract but personality/compatibility is more important. To your H, maybe you are not losing your looks.
After a while....it was very addictive....just like a drug I agree.
I sure don't want anyone to think I have backslid I see your posts not as backsliding, but a welcome breath of honesty. I have more respect for someone that says what they really feel/think than someone giving what they think are the correct answers.
One of my semi-Christian books called people giving the right or expected answers “posers.” When working with “posers” you don’t always know where things stand. Sometimes you don’t know what works or what is a waste of time.
there are times that I feel a "pull" or temptation to just get on line to see how he is, etc That sounds normal. I sometimes wonder how a few of my old girl friends from 1962 to 1967 are doing. I never checked, but I wonder.
he could have if he had wanted to.... Hum? I bet lots of people want the OP but I suspect most aren’t willing to take the risks to get what they at least temporally want. Wanting and doing are not close sometimes.
A man can look at porn and get excited about it or even contact a woman over the internet and do sexual things for excitement.....but I don't know that he isn't able to just forget her when it's all over. Porn pictures are just that, visual not real or something you can have a R with.
I suppose for most people/guys, not really having a 2-way R with another person, not really having a real R, not really having something, since you didn’t have it getting over it should be easy. Short version, what you never had, you never lose. Just my opinion.
A woman starts fantasizing about the OM in her personal life and sees him as her rescue or knight in shining Armour. A man sees a woman he can contribute happiness to and she in turn can contribute happiness to his life, I can see where a man wants to be a knight in shining Armour.
But just as I was told by some others when I first came on board, my OM has probably already went on to find his next woman that would give him the same pleasure I was giving him He most likely did go on to someone else. Each R is different.
He has probably already forgotten about me b/c I really didn't mean anything special to him. Sandi, here is where I disagree with you and any other woman or man that thinks women hold on to their romances and men don’t. If the OM man was of any substance, I bet he thinks about you often.
True, some guys cycle through women like a barber cutting hair in an Army Boot Camp. I remember my Army Boot Camp experiences and hearing the word NEXT many times. To the person saying NEXT, I was just a concern of theirs for how ever long I was in their presence.
One thing I saw here on the forum was the idea that a person having an EA is most likely going to hurt their EA partner, because both persople having the EA goes through withdraw when the EA doesn’t work out.
You have experienced the withdraw, and so have others. Hugs to you ((((Sandi)))) for sharing some of your feelings and experiences. The one OM may be in withdraw mode too.
Sandi, I don’t intend to cause you to feel worse about the OM, just want to say men have feelings too.
it helps me to come here and talk about it....it kind of helps me get it out of my system and then I don't feel that temptation. Smart move, ^5.
