I had not ended the affair when she moved back home. We are in the process, or were, of relocating to Mass to put our life back together. We had an argument and she moved back home. I worked very hard, all words, at winning her love and trust. Just as she started to trust me she found out i had not broken it off. Just as I got a positive step I failed myself. I ended the A two days ago. I am changing my cell phone this week. I have changed my email address and given her access to it.
Was there one specific thing that made "wake up", other than W finding out?
How did you break it off w/ OW?
These OW seem to be so clingy and we keep hearing how difficult it is for our H's to break free. Has she tried to still contact you? Three years if a very long time.
I think it's fantastic that you're finally doing the right thing, and much of what you wrote I would dearly love to hear coming from my own H one day!
I too would love to hear this coming from my W, but she is currently at a point where she has no desire to fix what was wrong. She has admitted guilt in the A, but really believes that she never loved me.
I had not ended the affair when she moved back home. I worked very hard, all words, at winning her love and trust. Just as she started to trust me she found out i had not broken it off. Just as I got a positive step I failed myself. I ended the A two days ago. I am changing my cell phone this week. I have changed my email address and given her access to it.
There you go, leave the words and show the action. Carry on acting on your promises and let her know it.
Have you made your wife involved in the breaking off of the A. My husband made all correspondence between himself and OW available to me. There was absolute clarity in what was going on. I am afraid that to say you are breaking it off and then for your wife to discover you havent just reinforces your wife's lack of trust. You have to be seen to do what you say. You cannot give her further reasons to disbelieve you. That sort of thing just erodes at her feelings even more. It makes her feel you are playing her.You have to show her by your actions. OW needs to be rejected big time for your wife to feel at all vindicated.Involve your wife in the letting go of the OW - let her see it is true. You have to show you have no feelings for OW. Any sympathy you show OW is a slight against your W. You must prioritise and decide who is important to you and SHOW that.
You are on the right track but you have to be ruthless to OW.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Have you made your wife involved in the breaking off of the A. My husband made all correspondence between himself and OW available to me. There was absolute clarity in what was going on. I am afraid that to say you are breaking it off and then for your wife to discover you havent just reinforces your wife's lack of trust. You have to be seen to do what you say. You cannot give her further reasons to disbelieve you. That sort of thing just erodes at her feelings even more. It makes her feel you are playing her.You have to show her by your actions. OW needs to be rejected big time for your wife to feel at all vindicated.Involve your wife in the letting go of the OW - let her see it is true. You have to show you have no feelings for OW. Any sympathy you show OW is a slight against your W. You must prioritise and decide who is important to you and SHOW that.
You are on the right track but you have to be ruthless to OW.
Saffie
Thank you for this. This response was a bit of clarity for me. I will be ruthless and I want to fly home and bring my wife and have her see that it is over. She has tried to contact me but I have ignored it as I don;t even want to respond. I am very weak and hurting right now at the prospect of losing my family. What makes a person of principle and character wander off the reservation?
I called and spoke to my W before and told her I understand how much I have hurt her, her family, our children. I offered that I understand her feeling the way she does and that my words are not actions. Lastly I apologized for making her suffer and thanked her for standing by me because I didn't deserve it.
I just hurt so much and want nothing more than to make everything right. For her, and our beautiful children.
Reading through your sitch reminded me a lot of a guy who used to post here, gosh maybe it has been about a year ago now. I will have to search and see if I can find jokermans old threads.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
