Her mom and father don't sleep in the same house and I have never heard them say to each other, "I love you," never seen them hold hands, never seen a dialogue about anything other than the next meal.
My parents are similar, (apart from the not sleeping in the same house thing, and they do practically everything together so always have stuff to talk about). Same with my grandparents, and my aunts and uncles. As a result, I'm not overt with the affection either, at least not around family. I'd just feel weird being all lovey dovey with H in front of my parents, but that doesn't mean I don't still love my H.
I'm not really surprised your W was so cold to you. Imagine if she'd been having an A, and you knew about it, and she knew you knew about it, but she just went on having it anyway. Would you think any emotion you got from her was sincere?
As for her coldness before your A, that sounds like a case of you guys not having dealt with the stuff surrounding her first pregnancy. But you both probably didn't know how to deal with it, and maybe you even just hoped things would get better on their own, so you didn't see the need to get into it back then. I think you've gotta go into it now though. It might feel like ancient history, but if you don't address where the problems started, then they'll never really get fixed.
I think it's fantastic that you're finally doing the right thing, and much of what you wrote I would dearly love to hear coming from my own H one day!
Lastly, it kinda goes without saying considering the forum we're on, but if you haven't read "Divorce Remedy" yet, then get yourselves a copy ASAP. There are several pages in the chapter on Infidelity which are addressed directly to the person who had the A.
Me:30 H:30 Together:10yr H left:Oct3'06,couple weeks before 5th wed anniv. No Kids OW bomb:Jan19'07 My thread: He filed.
