I've spent a lot of time over the last year really working on me, my values, wants desires, etc. The major issue my wife had was she no longer wanted to be the major provider for the family, she wanted to be just a working mother. I had taken a backseat and let her take care of more than she should have been doing.
In all my soul searching I discovered I had turned away from being the patriarch of the family. I was miserable and realized what I really wanted was to be the patriarch of the family. It became glaringly clear early this year as I helped my father remodel their basement. He's a career naval officer and an "in charge" type of guy. Well he'd being just messing around and I was sick if the mess he was making. As we worked I began to bark orders at him and he started replying "yes sir". That's when it all came very clear to me. Ever since I have been much more at peace with myself than I ever have. But now I am very, very anxious to get started doing the same for my family. So I have to be very careful not to apply any pressure to my wife with this regard. BTW, her 2nd big want is a patriarch of the family. She's eluded that she wants me in that role but she's still very skeptical hence why she hasn't officially said, lets work on our marriage but only eluded to that idea.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
