So, your wife knew about it for 3 years? Did she tell YOU she knew, or did she keep it to herself? Did you stop the affair because you found out she knew? Why do you think you got into the affair in the first place?
Now - to give you some advice for dealing right now: You have NO IDEA of the pain you have put your wife through. Whatever you imagine multiply it by 10 - or 100. Step one is for you to accept complete responsibility for your actions and to acknowledge that she's totally right to throw you out. Step two is to show her STARTING TODAY that you can and will be a better man in every aspect of your life; a better father, a better worker, a better friend. Tell her you know that your words are meaningless to her right now, but that you love her and intend to prove it with your ACTIONS.
You spent 3 years destroying her love for you; it may take 3 years to win it back. Are you man enough for the challenge?
Ellie
Yes, I am man enough for the challenge. I will acknowledge to her that she is right, thank you for that insight. Because of her patience and love, I have turned to God, or tried to share with God my fears and guilt. I pray daily.
She told me she knew. We sometimes talked about it, but I felt dirty for talking about it with her. I tried to hide it even though she knew and I knew she knew. I got into the affair because at the time that it happened, I felt completely lost and abandoned. It started a month after our daughter was born. When she got pregnant, she did not want to be pregnant. She threw the home test at me. Then for the 9 months, while I was finishing the basement, I felt ignored in any attempts I made to make life easier for her. I begged to get a baby sitter so we could have dinner together, I cooked meals, I did laundry I went to Dr's appointments. She HAD to know the sex of the baby, and I didn't want to. But it was written on a card in our bedroom available for me to look at at my leisure. I felt completely emasculated and taken for granted. I gave my love not because I wanted anything in return, I gave it to make her happy. We did not have sex from the second we found out she was pregnant in either case, which I was not involved in deciding that either. After our first child she felt it would be better to stay home and not work. I had no say in that either, but I READILY supported it if asked.
I had the affair because I felt my life was passing me by with someone who did not care about me. I wanted to be payed attention to, just once.
What has changed??? Well, I took a vow to see this through to death. I am NOT the same person I was three years ago. I accept responsibility for the things I did to influence our marital situation. I love and respect my wife and want to prove that to her. I accept the fact that it was/is just as much me as it was her setting the tone of our marriage.
