Calling All Cats :)

[cat03]

boy I screwed up, so big I think I've put my M back , wayyyyyyy back in -10000000000

I drew conclusions about something I found, demanded an explanation from H, I was mad that he gave me another story about the stuff, and then I reached the point of no return, being angry, yelling, furious, even after his explanation made more sense each time.

*SIGH* bad bad bad dbing, he kept asking me "and this is helping us how?"

No, it was not helping, by that point I just wanted to be right and not look like a jack@ss for over reacting, couldnt' back down, brought up other stuff he lied about and told him that how could I believe what he was saying now if he lied about the other stuff?

He ended up saying "either we go to C or I'm leaving" which drove me mad, since earlier he kept saying "oh, now I *really* want to to C, so u can act like this" and last time we talked he said he'd feel attacked if we went, so I took that as a no whereas he actually meant he'd agree to go.
I was too mad because it sounded like a threat and I couldnt' get that out my head, he kept saying that it wasn't a threat only that he couldnt' live like this, with me bringing stuff up each time about the op.

I had to go to work, was in a rush and tossed out a "if you want to leave do so but dont threaten me!"

Now my dears, you know what NOT to do. The whole A was wrong, the fact that I thought I found out something else about it didn't change anything, it just pushed us way back and now I look like a lunatic, and who wants to be loving to a lunatic?

I tried to call him, no one is home. I feel like crap.

[LoginName]

Oh CAT, I'm sure it's not irrepairable. In fact, reading this, I see so much positive, that I'm almost envious of. He stayed and faught with you, he said he'd go to C, he said "and this is helping us how" (he said US!!!).

You can recover from this. You can do alright and the M can be OK too. (not predictions, just posibilities, and good ones).

give him a little space, apologize simply, don't take it too hard. I don't know if his 3rd paragraph has good advice, but I'm pretty confident of the first 2 paragraphs.

[cat03]

well, I think he chalk it up to temp insanity, was normal when we talked 1hr later. I do know that he will ponder about this though, he drags stuff with him and reheats it later...
*sigh* anyways...
He did ask when we'll go to C, we'll try next week. I checked out retrouville on our area, nothing 'til jan, and if then, my H's schedule is very conflicting and it is very hard to take off, but God first, we'll go.
I did appologize and admitted I lost my head, he was nice about it. Anyways... this episode really gave me a chance to understand many things. Oh well, tomorrow is another day

[Aud31]

Hey hun--all you can do is pick yourself up and move forward the best you can. Don't be too hard on yourself--you are dealing with a lot. The past is the past, today is today.

Love and hugs,
Aud

[whapu]

Cat,
Scratching in your thread for a moment..I had to chuckle a little by this comment

now I look like a lunatic, and who wants to be loving to a lunatic?

I ask myself this daily and I am 100% sure that my W asks herself this as well. Cat, you are not a Lunatic. It's funny how lifes stresses come to the top in different forms. You or your H pricked the scab again and a little "emotional " ooze came out. You can tend to it but the best way to let a wound heal is to expose it to air...eh?
turbulance abounds for some reason and we need to keep the vessel steady I suppose.
Only good thoughts being telecasted from this channel...vent and hang Cat...I am with you stride for stride....peace

[cat03]

thanks whapu, funny thing is, H is nice over the phone a bit more often now, I was expecting the oposite, he actually called me sweety and my other pet names.
All well in luniland , just came from my zumba class, feeling good today.

[DiDi]

Hi You... just want to chime in a sec.

I too, "found stuff" and it turned out, after going back and looking at the number, I had turned it around in my head and accused him of calling her at work. This was over a month ago, while we were camping. I worried about it, as I feel crazy and he held on to it because the next "blow up" came around and he said "You'll never trust me anyway, why try." I threatened to pack my bags and go back across country to our home up north just as he was driving off to work that morning. Horrible, horrible DB-ing.

But.

Turns out sometimes blow ups get ya talking and facing what it'd feel like to lose it all again. I had to go through the next day, insecure, and worried if this would be the day he called her to say he'd might have made a mistake... a shoulder to cry on that could lead to???? Maybe I needed to see that he wouldn't, y'know? It helped us. I'm finally not as insecure anymore and I thought I'd never get here.

Finally I stopped getting that pit in my stomach when I saw him talking on the phone. Finally I quit checking his messages/missed calls/etc., every time he went in the shower. It gets better kiddo. You're doing better than me because you're going to a zumba class!

What is a zumba class?

Just thinking about you and stopping by to wish you the best!
kel

[cat03]

hey Kel! glad you came over to check my temperature! he he

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and facing what it'd feel like to lose it all again
============
Oh yea! after my blow up, I got to work, and got scared that he was packing up and leaving...And realize I can't move forward with my sight set on the past.

It is the latest craze in working out, it is high impact aerobics with dancing moves: samba, reggae, salsa, belly dancing, it is awesome!! so much fun, I dont' think of anything other than having a great time, love it, try it one day

Hugs hon have a great weekend!

[runningoutoftime]

Cat,

You make a good point about moving forward. But I think we also need to be more forgiving to ourselves. Sometimes we may get scared and overreact, and sometimes our spouses might say or do things that infuriate us and the whole thing leads to a blowup. I think this is normal. Time and working through things will make our marriages stronger.

[Aud31]

I agree with Root (love you!)...we're human, dealing with a lot, and we're going to fall. As long as we pick ourselves up, we won't stay down.

((Cat))