another bomb is dropped

[just_plain_hopef]

yesterday went well, painted d3's bedroom,kinda surprised w. we seem to be getting along well. spoke to a friend of ours who talked to w earlier. she said that w didn't say much except that we were getting along well as friends and w said that i was ok with her plans to move me out and for us to go separate ways. My thinking is that that's ok for now, it's a good starting point and it tells me i've been doing good with detaching and putting my best attitude out there. W does seem to be opening up a little more, talks between us have been going well(no R talk whatsoever). W still talks about her plans for after she moves me out of the house and what she wants to buy without me around, I'm still working on not letting this get to me. She does seem a little more comfortable around me, wasn't bothered in the least bit when her towel slipped open when she was getting out of the shower and i happened to glance her direction-at this stage i'll go for even the smallest cheap thrill
W is still fumbling through her depression, I'm doing my best to raise that just a little at a time. Sometimes I get the feeling that this is a test by W to help build our R. W doesn't know what kind of hell she's put me through in the mean time. In retrospect, this almost seems like a fast-forward trip throught the ups and downs we had while separated-hopefully that it what it is, the signs are very similar, just at a faster pace. for me, it seems to be working better since we do have face-to face contact and I have my db moves and plans well-practiced, with a couple new ones thrown in for variety. it also helps that she sees these alot quicker than before(I got 180's that even make my head spin!!). however, what concerns me is that I need to give her opportunity to miss me, I'll have to work on a strategy for that. this weekend, i'm going to knoxville,tn so that should help. I plan on not calling and maybe answering on the second or third phone call from her. I have been throwing in a few well-placed compliments, they seem to be helping her depression.
Last night at work I had a small breakdown, things just weren't going right and this garbage kept coming back into my head. I was frustrated and just mad about everything. I don't like being like this but it's best that it happened at work and not at home where W would see it.
Either tonight or tommorrow night, W asked me to meditate with her, I see that as a good step, since W said that she didn't feel a "connection" with me in the right way. I'm hoping this will help give her that feeling and break the logjam in her head.
right now, i guess i'm making small progress and getting some small positive results, it's not where I want to be, but it feels like I'm on the right path.