Well, I hate to say it, but it sure sounds like your W is very addicted to the internet affairs. Man, if she has been through five OM.....no wonder she is moody! It is the excitement.....the "rush" that all those false chemicals give you. It is a sense of falling in love and all the other stuff. She must have low self esteem to have such a need to find OM to stroke her ego all the time. That's what they do. I would have my little webcam out and they would come on line and see me and tell me how beautiful I was, etc. Of course I ate that up b/c I was having a problem getting older and losing my looks and youth, so they were saying all the things I needed to hear. After a while....it was very addictive....just like a drug. I hate to admit this, b/c I don't want it to give the wrong impression....plus I sure don't want anyone to think I have backslid and gotten into any of that again, but what I was going to say is that I still have a temptation to contact the OM....not all those I was talking to b/c they did not mean anything to me....that was just "fun & games" to me (as sick as it was), but that one that I had the EA with......there are times that I feel a "pull" or temptation to just get on line to see how he is, etc. But, I realize that it would be crazy to allow myself an inch. I got off very easy with him not causing any problems for me.....he could have if he had wanted to....but thank God, he didn't.
It would make my H very upset if he knew I just said that.....just like it would to know your W felt that way. But, I think it will always be something I will have to "deal" with in the sense that now I recognize it as a "weakness" and I have to guard against it. If your W comes to terms with it in her life, she will have to deal with it just like a gambler, drug user, alcholic, or anything along those addictive lines. I think it is worse for women b/c as I've tried to explain before, their soul gets involved too much. I guess that's why it's called an emotional affair. A man can look at porn and get excited about it or even contact a woman over the internet and do sexual things for excitment.....but I don't know that he isn't able to just forget her when it's all over. A woman starts fantasizing about the OM in her personal life and sees him as her rescue or knight in shining armour. But just as I was told by some others when I first came on board, my OM has probably already went on to find his next woman that would give him the same pleasure I was giving him. He has probably already forgotten about me b/c I really didn't mean anything special to him. I was just the evening entertainment in place of his TV. So, see it helps me to come here and talk about it....it kind of helps me get it out of my system and then I don't feel that temptation.
I did the same thing as you were talking about your W on the computer. I would look up the city where the OM lived, etc. So, you are probably right, she is looking. I am so sorry and I wish she would get help with it. I think you will have to treat her like you would a person with a drug addiction. You really need a professional to tell you how to do it until your W wants to help herself......I don't know what you can do. My H tried to force me.....but it didn't work. He took the cam away....thinking that would stop part of it.....but I knew how to play that game too. So, that is why I say that if a person wants to contact OP by computer or phone or however......nobody can "force" them not to....it has to come from their free will or it's no good.
Well, sweetie, I've just rambled more than help, but I think I've helped myself......so thanks...lol. Maybe it was my journaling for the time being.
If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask me anythig. Take care.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
