Sometimes it's amazing the strength you find, or never knew you had, when you need it. I thought I had been through it all a few years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer. Facing your own mortality is frightening. But this, I want to say it comes close, but compared to the alternative, well ... I guess that's where I get my strength. I guess that's why I chose the name I did ... Joie de Vivre (but sometimes I feel like I should have put a "?" at the end of it!).
I don't like the fact that she finds excuses to stop by. Actually, it's not a daily or even weekly thing. I would have a problem with that. I thought about telling my H that I didn't want her here at all, not even in our driveway, but at least this way I know he isn't running out somewhere to meet her. Pick and chose your battles...
Believe me, I'm not always calm! He was out of town last night and when I couldn't reach him, I was freaking out. I had myself convinced he was with her. I was not a great DB role model when he finally called me back! I wasn't yelling or screaming, but I did let him know I was not happy he had not checked in with me. I know from the calls he made today, and the action on our debit card, that he was where he said he would be.
The OW frankly scares me a bit. She seems extremely desperate, and combined with her angry moods, that makes me nervous. Actually, H is in bed already tonight. He left his cell phone out (he usually does not). And, since I've been sitting here typing this (10 minutes or so?) she has called TWICE!
I hope I/we can make it through this. I have more positive days than negative ones lately. H is depositing enough into our love/relationship account to make ends meet for now. And, I'm doing more than my share. I know I played a big part in my problems so I'm sticking it out. We all know just how much we can take, and so far, I'm not ready to jump ship.
