Hi, new here and my H is in MLC at 32.

[txbutterfly]

Well today I had a backslide, sortof.
Maybe, maybe not.

Our C is seeing us individually, and also together in our MC sessions.
Went to my individual appointment today and C tells me that H is fantasizing about being a bachelor and having all these "choices" that he's never had, that he looks at me like I'm a "little girl" and not the strong, capable woman that I am inside. That if H decides to leave the M, C believes H will really regret it one day. That H "only knows what he knows, and doesn't know what he doesn't know" and that H can't see the prize that I am. That it is up to ME to BE that prize, up to me to recognize my value and assert it. That my continuing not to see that is only letting H "off the hook" as far as "choosing" me...that my weakness gives H a false sense of strength, which is only preventing him from seeing my value...and thus "choosing" me (vicious cycle).

So recently, even tho H has asked me to dinner & lunch many times (and he makes a point to tell me that it is "not a date" - gee thanks!), he has been paying for it with our company credit card, which means I am paying 1/2. It irritated me but I had rationalized it that when we were married, technically I was paying for 1/2 then. But after my session, I realize:

If another man invited me to dinner and expected me to pay 1/2, I'd not go out with him again. And if H was taking some *other* girl on a date, he'd pay for the entire thing.

I also realized: I'm settling for being his friend. Or his business partner. And all the while not getting to be what I *want and deserve* - his wife, the "lady" in his life. Someone who is romanced and treated like a lady...with respect!!!

So, after my appt I spoke to H...laid it all out...did not yell or cry (although was irritated and angry & he could tell)....and told him I didn't want to do that anymore. That if he wanted the pleasure of my company (and not just someone to "hang out" with, like a buddy you call up when you have nothing else to do) - then he can invite me and HE can pay for it. And if he doesn't want to do that, then we don't have to go...and that's just fine with me. I'd rather eat dinner alone than be disrespected.

I also told him that I think he has taken me for granted, that he doesn't appreciate or respect me nearly enough and I'm tired of it. That if he wants to go "sow his oats" then he's free to do that, but don't sit here and think you'll get to keep me and my friendship off on the side...there will be no cake eating here.

Although I don't feel totally strong and "in that place" right now, deep down that person is in there & she is really sick and tired of hearing that her HUSBAND "isn't ready to be married" or thinks he should "date other people for a while" and other such ridiculous, insulting, disrespectful, immature and infuriating statements.

Said only to myself, not to him....if he needs to go "date" then perhaps he should just go do that. So I can get on with my business of finding a REAL husband and potential father to my children. Someone I can freakin' COUNT ON.

I just don't understand how someone can DO this to someone they love. I believe he loves me...as much as his current maturity level will allow. I just can't believe he is SOOO immature...such a flake...he WAS there for me when we were married, where did THAT guy go? And who is this 16-year old nincompoop in his place?

Sigh. No amount of venting is going to answer these questions. Only God knows, I guess.