Mark, I started not to reply b/c I can't give you much encouragement. I think you need to hear it like it is and that is what I will tell you from my POV. And....here it is......
If your W has the financial means to make it without you and if the OM is free to have a life with her and is stroking her ego and feeding her hope.....then I don't think you stand much of a chance. Now, if something should happen that forced her eyes open to see something really bad in the OM....then she might change her mind. But, it would probably have to be something big!
I will use myself for an example. If I had given up my family and M, etc. to go to be with the OM and I went to his town and his home and I found it to be nothing like he said it was and that he did not have the fantasic career he claimed to have and he was not going to give me the future he talked about.....then I would have been devastated. But you see, we never met together in person....it all happened over the internet. We were planning to meet before I called it quits. Of course we saw each other over the webcam and we talk on IM and the phone, email, etc., but it is still not like being together in person. We may not have clicked at all once meeting in real life. He never mentioned marriage, he just said he believed we had a future together. Well, at my age, I have to think about health insurance and retirement will be hitting in a few years....I have to have a certain amount of security to cling to. There are certain things like that that all the fantasy in the world can't keep from happening. Without the benefits of M....well, it makes a gal my age stop and think about what I'm doing. I couldn't make it financially on my own and I was afraid to risk everything just to take off to "visit" him to see if I was going to even like the guy once I met him......you see what I'm saying. A dose of reality started hitting me and I thought...."Am I crazy?" Of course, by then I had found this board and people here were helping me to getting my eyes opened to what I was doing. The fog begin to lift a little in order for me to start thinking clearer. Oh sure it sounded great and I was so turned off by my H and wanted a knight in shining armour to come rescue me from this life that I wanted to believe the dream.....but I kept asking myself.....what if the dream turned out to be my worst nightmare.
But sweetie, I'm afraid that I can't offer you much encouragement where your W is concerned. I'm so afraid she is down for the count. I think she was really burned out before she left you. To her, this OM probably seems like her knight also. She has been very unhappy and is wanting rescued. If he has made her think that he can give her the kind of life she deserves and they will be happy.....yada, yada....then she is going to try it. I don't think she will give up with the D until she gets it. Personally, and it is only MHO, but I think she looks at it like you had your chance and you messed it up, so now she is through with you and any life the two of you might have had together.
I know this is strong stuff. But, like I said, I think you need to hear it straight. The decision is yours to make. I think it will only make her hate you in the end if you try to keep her from being free. Remember, if she is seeing all this anger and resentment in you.....she is seeing you at your worst and she will not want to give up her knight for you. I did not want to give up mine b/c I thought my H was so hateful and there was no way I wanted to spend whatever time I had left on earth with him! So, try your best to be sweet and calm in spite of everything. Leave her with some kind memories of you. When she sees your face in her mind's eye.....you want it to haunt her....not to make her glad she's rid of you.
Like I said.....it is your personal decision that only you can make. I hope it will be one you can life with. Let us hear what you decide. We care about you and even though I may not say what I know you really want to hear in your heart.......I hope you'll keep in touch.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
