I feel like Paul Harvey... "And now... the rest of the story"
So she had responded: "I admit to my part. Your mess is the reason I left not OM. Fine if that's what you want you do it! Whatever makes you happy. Our kids make me happy!"
See.. she wants me to pursue the D. Not her.
me: "I don't want to fight. You gripe about the girls. I think you are confusing them so they act out. I could care less about you and OM. I worry about the girls. I don't appreciate the "one up" stuff. You decide to do different things with your money. That's your choice. The thing tomm is free. You want to be friends? Then be a friend ALL THE TIME not when it's convenient or when you want something. I see things quite differently now."
Now.. some of that is important because she blasted me for doing things she can't afford. Well.. instead of doing the smart thing and selling her horses, she's squeezing her money to pay for them. That's her choice.. not mine.
she: "I am not. They love me and you! We should be on the same page for them. Class is starting. Talk to you later. Always and forever friends. Gotta go!"
me: "What does that mean? How can I be on the same page when you don't even talk to me? You wanna talk give me a call. Otherwise I'll be sending more emails. I want to make sure things are written down for you."
That was it.. I expected her to call after class and she didn't.
I mean that much to her.. I'm a friend. BS. She wants me to be on the same page?? Clearly we are not.. she likes hanging with OM and letting kids have a sleepover and I'm not.
This morning she texts me to remind me she was borrowing a memory stick for her class on thursday.
I take D's to school and she acts like no big deal. I'm pissed and have attitude. She boldly asks what the attitude was about.
I told her.. I'm done with her games. I asked why she didn't call last night and she didn't answer. I told her again to call her lawyer and get things moving.
I'm tired of being lied to and about. I'm tired of her only wanting me around when it benefits her.
Maybe I'm being a little harsh, but after Friday and this past weekend, I've had my limit.
RHW.. I believe you asked what I had done.. I still haven't gotten this complete list, but basically she said she's been afraid of me for 3 years. I didn't treat her like an equal, I made her feel worthless.
All of this is hilarious, because it's her mother and her nasty ways that have caused this.. not me. I know I've had a hand in it, but it's only because I didn't like what she was doing. It was cause and effect. She also can't express her feelings very well and won't talk about things until it's too late. We had been to counseling a few times and she didn't like it because they always seemed to side with me (hmm wonder why?). We've had a few conversations since that if she would've said some of these things, it would've made a HUGE difference.
Well... supposedly she has an appointment with her lawyer tomm. Good.. get this train rolling. We went back and forth on a few things, but she basically said "You win"
I've followed your thread, but haven't commented because the people advising you know far more than I. Now you're entering territory that I know something about...divorce.
Get your own lawyer. Get the best one you can find. You will now be negotiating the custody of your kids and money issues. People play hardball with these issues, so you should be prepared. All communication regarding the divorce should go through the attorneys.
It will also have the added benefit of making her worry about what you plan to do.
So let me get this straight. She's going to file because YOU have pushed her into this? I just don't get it sometimes (most times). Was she expecting you would just put up with everything without movement one way or the other? I feel for ya...
Damn. Bet mine will do the same now. I just asked her if she's looked into what is involved in a D. She hasn't. "We're not financially secure enough for that." I told her that in order to properly prepare for HER divorce, she should at least get an idea of what's involved.
Hated having that conversation but if she hasn't added this to her new reality, I think it's about time that she does.
Latest Thread
Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
Yeah... we've been in this "stage" since mid September. She really has been sitting on the fence. I just threw a rock at her and knocked her over. I've had an attorney since then and it's going just fine. She's been avoiding it because it will end up costing her. She's got a sweet setup now where basically I pay everything (including child support) and she only pays for her Apt, cell phone and related expenses. Now she will be looking at: 1. Car insurance 2. Health insurance for her 3. Half of the bills
Which I can assure is the only reason she hasn't pushed this. I think her "Don't count me out" "I don't want to file" BS has been simply out of greed. See how long she can keep me strung along.
Some day she will realize what she's done.. I imagine we will be friends, but not sure we could ever be more.
I sincerely hope you all have better luck than I. I can't afford to sit around and let her do this to me and the girls. Someone has to be the responsible adult, and that's me at this point.
If anything new happens, I'll let you folks know. I'll follow some threads and post where I can.
Damn, I'm sorry to hear about that. That sweet set up needs to end though. The sooner she sees how brown the grass is over there, the sooner she'll start not liking it.
Now comes the ugly part.
I just attended a D conference w/ my STBXW and both attorneys.
Thank god I had finally reached the point that I should have been at at the beginning.
Your first concern is the Kids, and YOUR ability to provide for them. That means emotionally as well as financially. Her ability to provide for them is up to her. That's called the consequences of her actions.
Stay Strong.
-------------- The Forlorn Hope:...A picked body of men detached to the front to begin the attack....Fortified, meaning strengthened to stand...and thus, positioned for victory
Amen brother... that's where I am as well. It's funny.. she called me this evening to talk to D's. Now.. we had planned to go trick or treating in our neighborhood. Tonight she gives me this "Well.. I was going to talk to the girls about that" I said "Hold on there.. sorry, but those were the plans and you can't change them last minute" She: "Well that's what you get buddy" Me: "Don't start that crap with me young lady (she hates when I call her that) you don't want to get nasty with me."
She backed off..
Then.. the coup de gras... I had mentioned I have a company Xmas party last week of Nov. It's my weekend, so I was giving her first right of refusal (per our agreement which she has failed). I said if she couldn't, then I had sitters lined up who could. She got pissed. She's always contended that only certain people be allowed to watch the D's. She said in the beginning "You and I are coparents.. we need to agree on who watches them."
GOTCHA!!!!
"I didn't agree to let OM watch the kids"
Silence
"So you let me know if you can watch them or not."
Man I love being me sometimes.
Then she was talking about something and kept mentioning the kids over at OM's and I told her I really didn't want to hear about him and what goes on. I said "Just like I'm sure you wouldn't want to hear about my girlfriends."
"Ahhh... Nice" she replies.
What a piece of work!!
My W is 4'11 ~105lbs.. brunette.. very attractive but doesn't think so.
I'm talking to a woman who is 5'9" Blonde.. Hazel Eyes.. Model.. you get the idea.
She would love to show up at a function to make the W jealous.
jarhead, I love you being you sometimes too. Who would have thought you could get her quiet so quickly?
I am sorry you are where you are, but your situation may call for some scare tactics (and showing you intend to back them up) to wake W up. I agree, you need your own lawyer, even if to discuss what *might* happen. It'll show her again that you mean business.
