1) I think it's good that you're not concerned about this re W, not worried about what she might say or think about it. It says a lot about where you are.
2) It sounds like you've been mulling over (or maybe just subconsciously exploring) the possibility of dating someone else, despite your previous thoughts on the matter. It would've been better, of course, to choose more, um, soberly to be involved, to make a really awake, conscious choice. I wonder if the mulling and the drunken choice are connected, though. The part of you that's ready to move on---already thinking about this friend's cousin as a potential R---sabotaging the thinking you by getting you when you're drunk? Or heck, maybe you were just randy.
3) Big bummer about the young woman, though. That's unfortunate. I'm sure you'll be kind, though. Be kind!
Why guilty about not having the kids---general guilt about them or because it was your choice? I think I missed something.
Oh, here's an example of how I'm using your "sop technique" to stop the negative inner dialogue:
-"Hmmm, I wonder why H is so pissy. Could it be he's jealous?"
-"Irish guy walks out of a bar ... hey, it could happen."
-"But he could've wondered where I was headed dressed nicely and rushing out the door..."
-"Seal walks into a bar. Bartender says 'What'll you have?' Seal says 'Anything but a Canadian club.'"
