detaching isnt "giving up hope". detaching is giving up expectation that it WILL happen, or "Must" happen.
detaching is recognizing, "things arent where I'd like them to be for right now." detaching is recognizing that, when your wife is not committed to your marriage, there is no reasonable expectation that she will act like a maritally committed person.
it's about recognizing, "i cant force her to change. I can just be a good person, and look after myself, while also being open to the possibility of better things with her. (without expecting better things)".
It's also partially coming to terms with the fact that she may choose NOT to reconcile. Recognizing that she is a separate individual from yourself.
It's about choosing to be patient, rather than choosing to pressure.
"detaching" is saying things arent where you'd like them to be, "for now", and you accept that you cant force that to change. (but some day, you would like it if they did change)
"done" is saying things arent were you'd like them to be, and you dont care if they ever get better.
Dom great post about the difference there. Detaching is exceptionally hard to do and something I think each of us must do not to save our marriages but save ourselves. However often we need to make a renewed effort each day to avoiding falling back into old destructive habits.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
