here's an update on my weekend. we didn't spend any time together. she wanted the kids all weekend, but it didn't turn out that way. she went out to dinner with friends on sat night. said she would be home early and got home aft 1am. sunday was eventful. she texted me in the afternoon saying she wouldn't be home for dinner. I called her to see what was up. she said she was having dinner with a friend. I asked her what his name was. this ruffled her.."how do you know its a him?" because she would have told me their name. so, she told me it was a guy going through a divorce that a friend recommended she talk to. to me, this was a blind date. nice friends she has that are supplying her dates right now. so, I never went home to cover for her and watch the kids. what a joke if she thinks I would do that for her so she could go on a date. I spent the night at a friends house. she texted a few angry messages to me while I was there. I cannot believe she is that insane right now.
I went home in the morning and she was there. she didn't ask where I had been. I asked her why some much anger and hatred towards me. she said she wasn't mad and didn't hate me but doesn't know how to act around me. says if shes nice, I take it wrong,. and if shes not, I get upset.
so, I told her how unhappy I was that she went out on a date. she said it wasn't a date, she just wanted to talk to him and get his perspective. said it was only 1hr and she wasn't interested in him and was sorry that I was threatened by this. I don't feel threatened by him, just the fact that she went on a date and expected me to make it convenient for her. one thing she said about her conversation with this guy was that we had similar circumstances. she said his wife got lazy, let herself go, and might have had an affair. that caught my attention. I may have been a little lazy, but have not let myself go, and did not have an affair. I made her clearly aware of that and what a joke to leave someone for those reasons. to me, even if they are true, they are fixable. she said shes disappointed we aren't moving forward. I told her we aren't moving forward because she doesn't want to move forward. I told her that all "this" is not worth it for the reasons and excuses she has been describing. the are workable issues. I also told her we are really much closer to solving our problems if she chose, it would take effort, but we are closer than she thinks on solving them. it was a nice calm discussion. I'm sure I didn't change her mind on anything, but I know I had her attention.
then, later I asked if we could go on a walk with our dog..and we did. talked a little bit. she taking on more work now. I asked her to please not work in thw evenings while home. and..that if it were to work out for us and we are both going to be working a bunch, that we get a nanny to help a few days a week so we can spend time with the kids and each other. I said we can't have a relationship and take care of our kids unless we have some time to spend with each other. she actually agreed with me.
I had to leave for work out of town. she gave me a hug when I left. even commented that I needed some new jeans. doesn't seem like much, but she hadn't asked anything or commented on anything about me for months. severe little baby step.
I know shes looking for a place to live. she wants me to review our finances with her so she can buy a house. I think shes in for a huge realitty check when she figures out what she can spend. I don't think she will be able to get a very big loan amd combined with what cash she can pull, she won't be able to buy anything near to what we have now. plus, she would have exhausted all cash, etc, wouldn't have any savings or retirement. this will be a big sacrifice for her. I still don't think its worth it based on how we get along. I'm not a drunk, don't abuse, good father, and a nice guy. I don't see how this would be worth it to her.
