Just found out

[Michael Mc C]

These posts are definitely giving some sound advice. I sent my wife an email early on telling her that she should not be worried about feeling guilty or my anger or any repercussions for what she had done (and it was only an EA).

Thinking back to that mail, I KNOW what I was trying to get across (she's stubborn and doesn't like to admit mistakes). I wanted to diffuse those feelings and let her know that all would be okay. "I love you, come on home now".

It could be that attitude of mine, however, that made things worse. She didn't want to know that I was willing to forgive her. She didn't care if I was angry. Hell, she was getting out of the marriage, what kind of repercussions could I levy against her???

This is not the time to tell her everything will be okay because in her mind, things are going to be okay without the marriage. It sucks and it takes some getting used to hearing. But this is what she's thinking and feeling.

Remember she's in a different frame of mind than you are in and probably different from any she has ever been in before. There are no quick fixes. It's going to take a lot of time and effort and, fortunately or unfortunately, a lot of the effort has to come from you. Work on you first before anything else. You can't fix the machine if the parts YOU control don't work. Take care of what you can.