Like we never loved before 4

[Nature Girl]

Hi mimi,

Glad to "see" you! Of course we all wish it was under better circumstances, but you do sound strong and well.

Wow, I don't really know what to tell you. I would say that if he is pushing legal things on you, you should at least get your own lawyer. You don't even have to tell him that you have one, but at least a L could let you know your legal rights and also how to stall if that is what you want to do. Unless YOU want a legal separation or need one to protect yourself or your kids financially, then you don't need to file. Make him do the work if that is what he wants.

[bright 2 morro]

Nature girl,
Thank you for responding. I have already seen 3 lawyers and found out my rights. I think you put a good spin on this.

Unless YOU want a legal separation or need one to protect yourself or your kids financially, then you don't need to file. Make him do the work if that is what he wants.

I guess that makes the decision easier. If I had to file it would only be for the purpose of financial protection.

It is such a tough place to be.

Mimi

[bright 2 morro]

I am really starting to think I may need to file. He is telling me he feels very strongly that the marriage is over. He is telling me to just get over it. I called him to tell him my Grandfather died today. He hung up on me. When I asked him later on he told me he hung up on me because it does not matter because we are not married anymore. I told him that we were married and he said well yeah only on paper. But get over it the marriage is done for good.

He keeps wanting to take more and more and give me less and less.

I may need to protect myself emotionally and finacially. I spoke to a lawyer today and he said that he could help me draw up a legal proposal to him for what I want and then I could present it to him. And maybe try to mediate that way.

What do you think?

Mimi

[Cinderellaman]

I have no advice but I'm here with you (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

[forward]

B2M, I am so sorry about your grandfather and your H acting so mean to you. During such a time the abandonment feels at its worst. During all this my mother has been sick so it has been very difficult for me, too.

We are on a very similar timeframe and I am feeling much the same as you. I have not had any move backs and am discouraged by lack of progress, but I am kind of where you are in being tempted to file. I am also getting the attempts to get me to agree to things verbally. I have seen a second lawyer who struck me as excellent, but I have not told H about that. Instead, I steer away from legal discussions.

Then I thought Why should I file? It is H's idea. Let him pay the filing fee and do the work. I told him he is driving so I will see what he does.

I have decided to let him go. If he files, he files. I will drag my feet but as I cannot stop him, so be it. If he doesn't, so be it.

[bright 2 morro]

I am very confused on this part of it. I found out that no matter what I could get him to pay he legal fees.

So I guess I have some more thinking to do. The lawyer I spoke to today told me that he could help me draw up something that I could present to him and let him know what I want and then see if he agrees before I file.

If he agrees then I guess everything is well. If he does not then I file anyway.

Ok, that is one option. The other options would be a surprise D. But I think that would just piss him off even more. I feel that I am in a tough spot because of the kids and having to deal with him on a regular basis for many more years to come.

mimi

[theotherhalf]

Thank you for that post RCR. You have know idea how good it is for me to read that right now, today.

And you are right this is the HARDEST thing I have ever had to to do...

Question is, how do we really "know" if they are in MLC or if it is just the affair and maybe a more permanent R with them?

[Was2sad]

TOHalf

Why are you doing this? Is it only because you believe it may be mlc? Believing in mlc makes it easier. It helps you excuse insanity and think there is a light at the end; that there is some kind of timeline. Be careful. Nothing is certain. Not mlc. Nothing. Unless of course you count unconditional love.

That is certainly something to stand for. Everything else will at times confuse you and frustrate you. Esepecially if it is mlc. Learn all you can and RCR will share greatly. But try not to make this depend on some kind of proof that there is such a thing as mlc, or that your h is afflicted. When you question the symptoms or proof, you will question the reason you are standing. Part of the ride from hell.

[bright 2 morro]

Hi Breton,

I have to say that I see the teenager in him a lot more right now. Mr Conservative dressed up for Holloween last night because our 9 year old told him to. You have to understand I have asked him for years to do stuff like that and he absolutely refused. It was a waste of money to buy a costume.

The childishness in him has increased since he moved out again. It is very weird. He has been gone for 4 weeks now. I think it is starting to calm down somewhat. It seems like we are on the same path as the last time he left. The last time he lasted 9 weeks. About week 6 he started wanting to talk to me about his thoughts and feelings.

I guess I will have to see how this time goes. The one thing that I know is that I will not let him come back until he proves to me he wants to for good. He will have to prove to me that he has cut off all connection. He will have to figure out his issues first.

I have come a long way in the past 8 months. I am stronger now. Yes, I do have my moments but for the most part I am good. The only problem now is figuring out what to do legally. Sometimes I want to file and sometimes I do not. I know that sounds pretty weird but I am having an internal battle about it.

Mimi

[bright 2 morro]

Cinders,

How the heck are you? I think about you often, even though I have not been around much. You have always been on my mind.

Mimi