Lets try thing again!!!!

[limbo]

I agree with both Sara and HB, its a wonderful tool, my H didn't talk and would never say about his feelings, but now I do see that he is more open with it, and usually for us when we dialogue we tend to talk about other stuff too, as it just make it easier, and when we are on a role it allows us to be more open.
As you can see from my sit that it isn't a cure all, but it does help, and it helps us work through things easier, in a less agressive manner.

[limbo]

I posted on Edie's link...oops but managed to delete it!!!

H and I dialogued last night about trust, and it was a hard one, he said that he found this one hard!
Basically I said that if feel we need to be open and honest about everything in order to bring the trust back, and that at times I feel he is taking me for a fool, over all this time, telling me there is no contact and promising he will tell me if there is and doesn't.
I am tired of being taken for a fool, and dealing with this all the time.
I am tired of him not having any respect for me...I am just plain tired!

[limbo]

So I had a big melt down last night, I am really struggling with the pain and hurt.
I asked H if he thought we were really going to be happy, then I got really upset, sobbing! I know, I know...but this last incident has been the final straw for me.
I think back over the last year and everything I have gone through and all the abuse I have taken, and all the horrible things that have been said, and I think I have just hit my wall.
I just want it all to stop, the hurt, pain, saddness.
My H is here, and he says he wants to be here and he thinks we will be happy.
But I have heard this so many times before, and I think this is half the problem, I want to believe it, and I want to...but its hard to put that trust back in him again, only to have it shattered.
He has made an appt with C and goes on Tues, so that is something.
I just don't know how much longer I can hang on, and hold it reasonably together!

[Sara]

Limbo,

You are in a hard situation. I see that you are trying to make the choice to believe him, but his history has made it so difficult. I think this is where you have to act as if...You can't let go of the idea that he could be deceiving you, but you have to act as if you trust him.

[limbo]

Sara,

I have constantly tried to talk to myself and say I have to believe him, and I want to believe him, but the hurt this time is so hard to get past.
The feelings he spewed to the new ow have really done me in, more so then when he had a PA...to say someone else was your sole mate and you wish there child was yours, it has really hurt me to the core.

[Sara]

I know. I found some of my H's letters to OW. They weren't too different. Said that he should have married her. She was always his love. I kept the letters, but copied the words onto another piece of paper and when he was complaining about "hurtful words" that I had said, I pulled out the paper and said, "You want to see hurtful words? These are hurtful words." He apologized. And I have never heard about my hurful words again.

[Heartbroken]

Not sure what support I can offer - I too am so tired. I am also struggling with my H and it's getting old. Why do I feel as if I have to convince him to stay - why can't he just want me????

Limbo - please just slow down and take it day by day as I intend too. Will another few weeks or months make that big of a difference? I figure I owe 6 mos at least to see if we can turn this around - baby steps for me....but I hear how tired you are and I truly can relate...

HB

[limbo]

Thanks HB

I can definatley relate to what you are saying! It is getting old!
I don't plan to call it a day anytime soon, because I do know on some level he does want to work on it, so while I still feel that I wount end it.
I do need to slow down and just let me and him rest and be for awhile.

[Pudmuddle]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now limbo. Your words of frustration just made my heart ache. I know it's hard to see the small positive things when you so much want it to be different, happy, and something you don't have to put so much energy into. It's exhausting and draining.

But I have realized now that we will always have to put energy into this because we had stopped doing that before. I really do see positives in what your husband is doing, saying he wants to try and work this out and you both are talking in a calm, non-aggressive manner, which you hadn't done before. Keep taking it in very small steps and find the positive in each interaction.

Hang in there sweetie,

[JAK58]

Thanks ladies.

Limbo how did the psychic go yesterday? Hope it was a good experiance.

HB, My h doesn't even like to talk R to me. If things do not get better soon i will ask him though. D or Retrovaille HMMMM.

JAK