if he asks me about divorce mediation again maybe I should suggest he move out with her...or move out in general.
I wouldn't do that. I understand you think it might speed up the end of the infatuation phase, but pushing the WAS out the door is something plenty of folks have done and later regretted.
Take the focus off H and what's going on in his mind, with the OW, etc, and put all that energy into *you.* What are you doing for yourself? I'm not asking in regards to your M, but just for you as a person.
You're trying to control your H's R, and you can't. Let it run its own course. If you did ask him to leave and he moved in with her, then that imploded, he might even blame you for pushing him out. Regardless, he needs to walk his own path in his own time. Unfortunately, you don't get to determine that path for him.
Even the talk you brainstormed is full of stuff about him. Shift your focus!
Originally Posted By: Pudmuddle snafu
if we were mature about this... But I realize you're not in that place
This "WE'D be mature" is hooey; you're talking about H, which you make clear when you follow it with "YOU'RE not in a place..." You're calling him immature, which may be true, but it's not constructive.
Originally Posted By: Pudmuddle snafu
Because I know that's what you want right now.
How do you know that? Has he said it? If not, you're making a big assumption. Personally, if my H told me he knew what I wanted, it'd get my hackles up.
Originally Posted By: Pudmuddle snafu
I just am not ready for a Divorce Mediation right now.
That's reasonable to say, I think. How about, "You know, this has all been very sudden, and I need some time to process it. I'm not ready for mediation right now." That's all about you and what you want and need. Stick to that and you'll be fine.
Originally Posted By: Pudmuddle snafu
It took everything I had this morning to NOT start this convo with him...I literally bit my tongue.
Good for you! Do you know about the 48-hour rule? It says to sit on stuff like this for 48 hours before you say or do anything. It gives you time to consider the options, the consequences, and be sure you're doing whatever it is for the right reasons.
Right now I think you'd be acting out of impatience. Another pusher among us! But pm, you're going to have to really embrace patience. This is a very long haul. Take some time to focus on you. Let H do what he'll do.
