Most of you on hb's thread have been to retrovaille. Could you tell me the cost and the specifics. Not that my H will go, he won't even do counceling but if i have to use it as a ultimatum i may.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I am in Canada, and the cost for us was $600, however you can pay what you can afford, they turn no one away for the lack of funds. Which I thought was great! There is a weekend away, starting on a friday night and going until the Sunday, in this weekend there are 3 presenting couples who cover different topics, and the goal is to teach you some skills on communication, also these couple have all had problems in there marriage, and are very open about there experiances. It is a Catholic based program, however the religion aspect is kept to a minimum. After the weekend there are 6 post sessions, which cover other topics which help you on your journey.
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
They had a registration fee of 250.00 - once you are within a week of your session there is no refund but you can use this towards another future session.
They ask for a donation of $400 per couple - but this covers your two nights at the facility (ours was a Hilton hotel) and 3 meals on Sat and two on Sunday. You are asked to put into an envelope what you can afford and if you can afford more to give to help those that cannot pay. They will not turn anyone away for lack of funds. This also covers 24 hrs of post session too. We will meet for the next six Sundays from 2-6PM and this is where the brunt of the work happens.
My H is a typical male - not into his own feelings AT ALL. Never wrote me letters - well except for the two page once asking for a divorce in August 2006...most thought out letter that broke my heart (hence my name...)
He struggled somewhat on Saturday eve - it had been a long day- but he got through it and revealed quite a bit. Even last night we were swamped with household and kids stuff and he said we need to do our writing. It's not hard at all and it can be done in 20 mins TOTAL. I really really think this program is worth it and I have not even started the post sessions!!!! I am not saying we are fixed - he still cannot say ILY but I FEEL at peace for once and I understand his internal feelings for the first time...MC cannot do this - it does not teach you tools to commuincate (we have tried MC and IC...)
I hope you can help your H see the benefits of it...it truly helped us get through our paralyzing fears...
Let me know if you need other info..
We did have 28 couples - of all age groups. Some in there 20's, 30's mostly 40's and 50's even one couple pushing 80 - WOW not sure about them. My H said they probably were just 'looking for something to do for the weekend' LOL
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
The cost varies from place to place, depending on their cost to use the facilities. Here in Tampa the total cost was $450, including the $100. deposit. Again, after the deposit, it is whatever you choose to pay. At double the price it would still be such a bargain for the way it can change a marriage.
Retrouvaille is not a cure-all. They teach you the skills to repair your own marriage. I agree with HB, you never learn that in MC. The work is yours to do without a third party commenting on your ideas. And when you are better, you know that you did it yourselves too. It really makes you feel more powerful, because you know that you can help yourselves when you need to.
The website is http://www.helpourmarriage.com. Asking him to do it for you, or as an ultimatum often works. He will have to tell them that he is going willingly with an open mind.
If i use it as an ultimatum it certainly wouldn't be willingly, and won't be no matter how i look at it. I feel he would think i am trying to control him. He hates to talk.
WEnt to a psychic though pretty intersesting. Aren't you into that stuff?
Jak
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
When they call he would simply have to say that he is willing. It is not a lie detector test. If he agrees to go because of an ultimatum, then he is willing under the conditions that he is under. He would not be the first to go with a twisted arm behind his back. I don't know how I feel about psychics. I guess I find it interesting and possible, but don't put a lot of credence in it.
I am going to she a psychic tomorrow! They are brining one into work for a fund raiser, I have always want to go to one, so it will be intresting to see what she says. H isn't to thrilled at me going, he thinks I will believe what ever I am told!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
They did not even talk to my H - we just printed the registration paper and I answered everything.
I don't think you need to give it as an ultimatum. If you are not feeling good with your direction in healing then he needs to step up to the plate to help you get there - this is one way to phrase it to him. It's not counseling - no group discussions. Talks between you and him alone!!! If he's in this R for real he needs to consider your feelings at more than a superficial level...
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
It's not counseling. They do the talking. You and he will do writing to each other, and then talk only to each other about what you wrote. It is a lot of fun. The fact that he is does not like to talk is probably one of the reasons you have a communication problem. That was our problem. Once they taught us how to talk to each other, we solved our problems. My husband went because it was a choice -- go to Retrouvaille or get an expensive divorce. I guess we can say he wanted to go to Retrouvaille. That is, he did not want to face an expensive divorce.
