OK... I have read (most of) your other thread. Permit me to weigh-in.
Dude, you are desparate. You are clinging to her like monkeys at the zoo. If you want to appear attractive to her, stop chasing her. Tell her you do not want to visit her, that you are just too busy. Ask her when she is going to visit you... then tell her that date won't work because you have plans (now, don't just make this stuff up - have something actually planned, or at least in the back of your mind as something to do).
I know, I know, this is totally counter-intuitive. You are saying, "If I want her back, why would I tell her I'm too busy to visit her, or tell her I'm too busy for her to visit me?" Exactly. The answer is right there. You want her to see that you have moved on.
Now... next dilema. She wants to file yesterday. Here is how I would respond to that: "I'm still working on getting to the place where you are right now. I'm going to need some time to digest all of this. What is the reason you are in such a big hurry to run to the courthouse?" Of course, her answer will be, "I'm not in a hurry!!"
Regarding the contact you made with this other man, while I agree it was a mistake, it's not the end. If she "calls you out," your response should be, "hey, I was just confirming my suspicions. Why are you so angry?"
Contacting the OM was a sign of desparation and clinging (hey, BTDT.... I sent two emails to my wife's boyfriend). But you have to create separation between the two of you. And the way to do that is GAL. You have been around long enough to know what GAL is. Now, just go and do it. Join a club, take karate, cooking class, skydive, exercise class... and if women are in the class, all the better. It will make her think.
One more thing. GO DARK. Do not call her. Do not text her. Do not email her. If she calls you, do not answer. If she calls a second time (immediately after the first), answer - it may be an emergency. Only call her if she requests that you do so via voice mail, text, or email. Remember, you are just too damned busy to call her..... right?
what is GAL and BTDT? Im still learning the lingo...
I know that I am clinging to her...she has always been there for me and helped me with situations and now she isnt. Well she is coming to back into town on 11/10. She is getting a new car, which is news to me and she agreed to talk to me then. We have a trip planned for Denver in Dec. and i really want her to go. So you're saying make myself available but only when I want to be? Last night I told her that we needed to talk and asked if I can come up...she said no, because she is too busy with work. She called me 4 times and I answered on the 5th. She wanted to know what I wanted to talk about and she doesnt want to hear the same things over and over. As far as I know she is still coming down to get her car and have our talk. If im not there that will not faze her at all. she will just get the rest of her things and head back to work in Michigan. Im afraid that she will file on the 10th also, then if I do not sign them then she will not go to Denver..but really Im not ready to sign. I have asked her what's the rush and she told me that she is ready to move on with her life and wants this to be over with. also about going Dark, she would have it that way anyways. She wouldnt want me to call, text, or see her. When she does call (nearly never) but when she does I do not answer. I always have her leave a message or send me a text. Then I'll call her back. So pretend that I am way to busy to talk? Again that will not faze her...but from here on out I will try that out..
