More complicated than I imagined...

[Michael Mc C]

Since reading DR and posting on this board, I have a conflicting view of what acting "as if" really means and when it should be applied.

DR seems to indicate that you act "as if" in situation specific moments - i.e., act as if the outcome of a discussion is going to be positive.

Some postings I've read have members stating that they will continue to act "as if". Does this mean that with every interaction they have with their spouse that has the possibility in ending in a negative way, they will act as if the outcome will be positive?

Or does it mean that we should begin living our lives "as if" we weren't really going through any of this?

In my case, I can see acting as if my wife didn't want a D. It would certainly help in my daily interactions with her as well as help to build some confidence and comfort for both of us. But is this really a healthy thing to do? It seems awfully close to denial.

Just a question. I've seen the phrase used in different ways so I'm wondering what everyone else thinks about this.