OK... I have read (most of) your other thread. Permit me to weigh-in.
Dude, you are desparate. You are clinging to her like monkeys at the zoo. If you want to appear attractive to her, stop chasing her. Tell her you do not want to visit her, that you are just too busy. Ask her when she is going to visit you... then tell her that date won't work because you have plans (now, don't just make this stuff up - have something actually planned, or at least in the back of your mind as something to do).
I know, I know, this is totally counter-intuitive. You are saying, "If I want her back, why would I tell her I'm too busy to visit her, or tell her I'm too busy for her to visit me?" Exactly. The answer is right there. You want her to see that you have moved on.
Now... next dilema. She wants to file yesterday. Here is how I would respond to that: "I'm still working on getting to the place where you are right now. I'm going to need some time to digest all of this. What is the reason you are in such a big hurry to run to the courthouse?" Of course, her answer will be, "I'm not in a hurry!!"
Regarding the contact you made with this other man, while I agree it was a mistake, it's not the end. If she "calls you out," your response should be, "hey, I was just confirming my suspicions. Why are you so angry?"
Contacting the OM was a sign of desparation and clinging (hey, BTDT.... I sent two emails to my wife's boyfriend). But you have to create separation between the two of you. And the way to do that is GAL. You have been around long enough to know what GAL is. Now, just go and do it. Join a club, take karate, cooking class, skydive, exercise class... and if women are in the class, all the better. It will make her think.
One more thing. GO DARK. Do not call her. Do not text her. Do not email her. If she calls you, do not answer. If she calls a second time (immediately after the first), answer - it may be an emergency. Only call her if she requests that you do so via voice mail, text, or email. Remember, you are just too damned busy to call her..... right?
