still trying, now separating

[Dom R]

This whole situation confuses me endlessly. I'm somewhat jealous of the guys around here whose W's are clearly done and have no emotional investment in the M. I get so many mixed signals it's driving me crazy.

which is funny. because the guys in that group who are "still standing", are jealous of you.

I would say that you are feeling bad, becuase you are stuck swinging between "I really want my wife to fully commit to me, right NOW!!", and "I just dont want to care any more".

What helps a lot in this situation, is learning how to detach from her moodswings.

Note: What is meant by "detaching", is specifically, to detach from her inconsistent behaviour, and moodswings. NOT, "detaching from your relationship".
That's the difference from "detached", and "done".

If you can "detach", then it allows you to appreciate and enjoy her positive behaviour, but turn away when she is negative.

Your experience changes from a cycle of "I'm UP!, I'm UP... Ugh, I feel _down_.... UP! ... _down_... "
to more of a cycle of,

"Hey, I feel good about our relationship! ..
meh... neutral day today (detached)
Hey, another good day today!
.... neutral...."



A way to get there, is to try to let go of expectations that your wife will "come around".
One of the reasons that you feel hurt, is that you "expect" her to treat you nicely,and then you get disappointed and feel rejected, when your expectations are not met.

if you can let go of the expectations, then it stops hurting.


Another way to put it, is to stop investing in your wife, as your sole support of happiness.
When she is nice to you.. enjoy, and be happy!
When she is not... enjoy and find happiness elsewhere
[No, that does NOT mean, "with another woman" !]

remember also, that when you are happy, you are pleasant to be around. and when you are not, you are not pleasant to be around. This sort of thing helps keep us as being appealing to be around, for our spouses.