NikkiB #21

[NikB]

Hi everyone - thanks for posting!

Not a lot to update... been a pretty quiet week, just lots of contemplation on my part, and a bit of frustration.

I drove past some of the places I could afford to rent and yikes. I can afford to buy a pretty good place if we D because I'll get a good chunk of house equity, but the places I can rent are pretty scary. Not just "not that nice" - more like "not safe." I didn't realize the rental market had gone nuts along with the housing market (makes sense, but I hadn't looked at rentals in awhile so I didn't know). Still have some short term options if I need to, but long term is going to be tougher.

STILL no calls back from the ICs I have tried. Why on earth do they sign up to get referrals and take new patients if they aren't going to even bother to call back? I'm up to 4 that I've attempted now. Still have another 35 or so on the list that I can call.

To top it off the furniture place is getting shady on me. They told me they'd let me try the bed out before delivering it but then wouldn't assemble it for me, so all I could really do was push on the foam in the box. Seems ok but that's not really the same as laying down on it! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it'll work. They said they'd deliver and set it up for me (for a fee of course) - and now won't return my calls about WHEN to do so.

Oh one person did call me back though - remember psycho attorney? He called to demand an answer about whether I wanted to hire him. He left VM and I don't plan to call back, but I had to laugh at that one.

Goal for today: get at least one positive, productive thing accomplished!

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On to replies... thanks everyone for your thoughts!!

ST
Yeah, still working on the detaching while at home thing. It is so hard - I had forgotten. Or maybe it's harder this time because the latest bomb seemed/felt more final. I was kind of in disbelief last time - now, it feels very real.

Texting in the house is most definitely a boundary that H is well aware of. He respects it somewhat in that he's usually in the garage, truck, etc. (the times I've 'caught' him were when I went outside or into the garage). I agree - it's amazing how easy cheating is with technology now.

I appreciate the ideas! I haven't lost hope 100% either. Pretty darn close... but I do still have a tiny bit of hope in there somewhere. I fight myself on it, but the fact is it's still there.

Casey
Thanks for your thoughts. I can totally relate!!

Oldtimer
Hm... I do think I come across as more wishy washy here than I really am. He doesn't text in front of me anymore. But you're right, I need to be a lot firmer on this.

What you said about quitting and changing cell #s - you know what's funny about that is I know that will have to happen if we do reconcile. It HAS TO happen for our M to work.

Makes me wonder - why am I so afraid to push that right now?? I guess what it comes down to is if we don't spend any good time together, how could we ever reconnect? Flawed thinking, I know... not enough care or respect for myself in there. Just thinking out loud.

I'm still working on the first Boundaries book, but will get the other one once I'm done with that.

SD
That is some great info, thank you!! Printing that out to add to my notebook that I look through when I need some inspiration/reminders.

As I mentioned to ST he won't start to text while I'm in the room anymore - though certainly if he does, I like your response! I don't think it's a good idea to just ignore it, but think your reply is perfect.

Passive aggressive - yeah, he definitely has some of those traits, especially now (and especially with me - he doesn't strike me as acting this way with other people at all).

Thank you for weighing in on the room / sep issue. I have always admired how well you were able to do that. I may go back and read some of your posts from during that time and hopefully get some inspiration! I like the ideas to depersonalize it, that's a tough one for me and I think that might help. I probably need to come up with something besides jacka$$ (that's what I've been calling him to myself when I'm in the "hating him" mode).

Definitely will keep working on the boundaries, too. At least I'm starting to understand the concept, but got a lot of work to do on incorporating it into my life.

Casey
No worries on the hijack, this is a huge issue for me too so anytime you want to talk Boundaries feel free to discuss here! The book you mentioned is the one I have as well.

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Whew... somehow it helped just to get all that out, feeling a weight lifted already.

Going to put a smile on my face, and figure out how to make this a great day! Looking forward to bellydancing tonight and carving a pumpkin, that's a good start.