More complicated than I imagined...

[Michael Mc C]

Do you mean making life easy for her while you do all the work? The question should be what are you going to get out of it?

Yeah, that is definitely something that has been on my mind, as well as the minds of ALL of my friends and family. "Why let her have it easy when she is showing no sign of trying, let alone caring?"

If we end in D, I want it to at least be amicable. I do not see me wanting to remain "best friends" with her if that happens but I'll need to be able to socialize with her, and her with me, for the sake of our kids. Also, if she is still here, regardless of where she is sleeping, she can more readily see the changes I've made in myself - the fact that I do not NEED to remain married to her to find fulfillment in my life and that she can also be her own person while remaining married.

As for NC, that's a tough one. I want her to go with us for selfish reasons but also because I'm not detached enough. I want her there because I love spending time with her (at least I used to). No access to her game down there so she'd be forced to be distracted some other way - not saying distracted WITH me, but maybe distracted enough to start to feel there are some things she might miss. I know that I will miss her down there. If she stays in NJ, she will miss the kids. If she goes to NC, she'll get a dose of reality in seeing something else she'd be giving up, as small as it may seem in the larger scheme of things.

I don't know. Our anniversary is a week from today. Still trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do about that. Nothing? Give her a card? She knows how I feel and I can't say that she's happy about it. My guess is that even a card would seem over the top. However, IF she ever comes around, I want her to remember that she has been loved and supported through all of this.

I guess that's what I'm working towards in the end. I want to be in a place (within myself) where I can give unconditional love and to be ready to let her go when/if the time comes. Apparently I have a long way to go still.