Plank removed from my eye, too late for WAW? 7

[Puddle]

Hey Heim,

I started calm, cool, and collected. After a while, when the person you're talking to is almost willfully twisting what you're trying to say, you just get tired of it.

I totally get this part. I just think you could've done without calling her a biatch. I'm pretty sensitive about this kind of language, though---to me, calling names has always been the ultimate form of verbal disrespect.

One thing also sticks in my mind. For a number of years I've been the "yes, dear" husband.

I wouldn't have guessed that about you.

However, at some point, you can't just get walked over. She's was starting to walk. One, that's not the kind of man she wants to be with, I don't think.

I can see your point here, too. And everyone else seems to agree that you were on the mark in your responses.

Two, if she were to come back because of that (she can do as she pleases), that's not the kind of woman I want to be with. That make any sense?

I don't think you need to be walked on, and I guess I don't think a momentary flare of self-defense is a bad thing. I'm not suggesting you should've given up and settled for her demand to stick to the schedule; I just wonder whether you could've stood up for yourself without the name-calling and sarcasm. I'd like to find the fine line there, myself, since we obviously all have to deal with stuff like this.

So, yeah, all in all, OK with the way the conversation went.

This is, of course, all that matters.

Puddle, you're one of the most clear-headed folks here, you're always entitled to give advice.

Thanks, Heim, just not feeling it right now. Funny that when all I feel like posting to people is, geez, get over it and move on, everyone else cheers the way you handled this and I'm the voice of caution.

OT, I thought about OM plans as well, after I got off the phone -- that's generally how little I think about that now.

This, Heim, is fantastic. It sounds like a huge shift for you.

when I said that this is me giving you the space that you want, she said something like, "I don't want to talk about that" or "I don't want to talk about that yet."....Possible opening?

You know, when I read your "possible opening?" I was surprised. When I read the first part it was very clear to me that W was thinking, "Damn, he's going to try to turn this into an R talk now!" and was moving preemptively to cut you off. Says to me she's still waiting for you to slip up. I could be wrong, of course.

I keep having the feeling that once it settles in that this may be permanent, we'll start seeing more reaction from them.

You know, I wonder if there's ever a point when we *stop* looking for effects of this. I mean, when they're teenagers and they smoke pot, will we be wondering whether it's because of the D? That's probably unnecessarily grim, and the why probably won't matter. I just realize I haven't been thinking lately too far beyond the immediate adjustment period, and that's probably a good thing.

You're a good dad, Heim, observant and sensitive to your girls. I know you're going to be able to help them through the very best you can.

Take care.