More complicated than I imagined...

[Michael Mc C]

W just got home from dropping the kids at school. Asked if I have my 8:00 call this a.m. (I always do). I figured she wanted to talk so I told her we had plenty of time to discuss things.

Her: I think we could get a loan or maybe refinance to help pay down some of these bills. Not sure how much equity we have but we should look into it.

Me : Okay, let's see what we can come up with.

Her: I just want to make sure you understand where I'm at. I want a divorce. I'm staying her not to stay in the marriage but we ARE married and these debts are my responsibility too.

Me : I understand where you're at.

Her: I'm staying here because it's easier. I want to finish my degree. I'll never get a good job without at least getting my associates. It's easier on the kids and it will be easier on us financially. I'm still looking for a divorce.

Me : I know that you want a divorce. You've made that clear. We have to do something about these bills.

It was a little difficult for me NOT to throw out the "well, let's see what happens, maybe you need some time, things aren't as bad as you think they are.", etc.

But not as difficult as it was in the past. I DO know she wants a divorce. I'm still not accustomed to hearing it so there was, of course, a little bit of sadness to hear that but I didn't show any sign of that.

I keep telling myself that one day she'll come out of this fog but she is so adamant about this right now. Narrow-minded. She's found the solution to all of her problems and that solution is to be done with me. The marriage apparently has destroyed her life and her ability to be her own person.

I wish she was even slightly interested in saving this thing! I have so many resources I could share with her. I'd love to point her to this on-line community so she could see hope for us or even just for support.

I've seen so many situations here where the WAS is at least going to counselling - whether it's MC or IC. She wants nothing to do with any of it.

In fact, I have NO idea what she's using for a support network. She used to speak with my sister but now that she has her plan all set, there's no chance for deviation. I look at her and my brain is screams out "HOW CAN THIS BE EASIER?"

It has to run its course. For her, THIS is easier. She hasn't felt any repercussions yet. Damn it she drives me crazy.