Ok, maybe email wasn't the best only because he doesn't have enough access to it.
Personally I see nothing wrong with email, it'd always been a big part of my relationships, and especially to explain complex arrangements (and that way one can refer back to it). But it sounds like using email to get your feelings down might be good but might not be, as then he might either not read it properly (and you think because you've voiced it he understands) or go off the deep end about one little thing you've said and not even read the rest. so I think the best bet if you are going to use emails is just for the facts.
Ok so what could you have done when he texted back and said "how very impersonal", you could have texted back (although then you might get in a texting war) saying there was a lot of detail about d's arrangments this week, so email was easier, regarding today, the usual, where you pick her up etc. let me know if there is an issue. details in email about thursday. i'll summarise it in a letter for you now, in case we don't have time to discuss it when i pick d up. (then if he wanted to ring you he could- you need to stand your ground)
i think you made the wednesday much more involved then it needed to be with this trouble your having. maybe it's my lack of motherhood, but why do so much juggling for him to see d when it's going to make things so complicated for everyone?
you definitely need to set a time to talk about d, so that you don't have all these ad hoc arrangements. just brainstorming here.... maybe think about setting up a babysitter to look after her for after after school care and if H works out he can take d then he needs to ring the babysitter to cancel. maybe trial it for a little while and maybe set a hourly rate a bit less then the usual rate to cater for cancellations but she gets paid regardless. or vice versa a higher rate if she actually does the baby sitting to compensate for the cancellations... hmmm... a bit complicated.. probably not going to work.
the crux of the idea is to do less juggling yourself and less juggling with d, get him to take responsibility and to increase the amount of time he spends with her in blocks and reduce the number of short times he spends with her as it just ends up making it complicated for the both of you.
at the moment H is able to be more difficult and keep himself in your life and making you anxious by the ad-hoc arrangements you have.
it's almost like you need to just organise your life until he decides to come to the party and communicate about how best to deal with d.
try to keep the emotion out of your discussions at the moment (yeah i know- that's hard). maybe the email was impersonal but that's kinda how you seem to want things for the moment.
what you could have done is just text him arrangements for today and then give him a letter with all the other details for the rest of the week, but leave all the other feeling stuff out of it, and just say i thought it'd be easier if the arrangements for this week were written down. let me know if you disagree (or something to that effect).
Anyway i hope some of this is useful.
I'm a bit confused by your first post about he saying "if you change your mind come and tell me" is that referring to something else or doing things by text or the concert. I see nothing wrong with doing things by text and email if the feeling is left out of it and it's just factual.
