Early in life I had to learn to be quite a "fighter". The only thing I was fairly good at was certain sports, and even then I didn't fit the profile of the gifted athlete. So at each step of my life I have had to prove myself. As a result I guess this is no different.
This evening I sat with a fairly wise friend, he was the child of D and still holds some fairly strong resentment about it. Surprising as this might seem he has a lot of wisdom to offer. He is one of those types who can look at other peoples problems and "nail it", or read what they are and what they are about. I explained to him how things had progressed in the last 48 hours, then asked him what I had done wrong. His answer was nothing, more or less he said, I guess she's(W) got to figure out what is really important in her life and what she is going to do about it.
W always says how the kids are so important to her, however, those from the "been there, seen that" don't feel that she is doing them a lick of good right now. I think like WCW, my W doesn't want to lose. This is more important to her than who gets hurt. Every time she feels herself giving in to "what she should do", her fur goes up and her heals go in.
For my own sanity I'm doing what I know to be right, enjoying what I am doing, keeping my eyes open and appreciating today for what it is. If W goes down the dark path, that will be her choice and she will have to answer for it. What she doesn't understand is how much she relies on me on a day to day basis. The fact that I am not guaranteed to be around post D I think kind of through her. It real hard to work full time and be a full time Mom, without help.
Sorry I haven't posted much, but some days I feel like I've said it all and I don't have much to offer. Hopefully out there some one is winning this battle today.
