Apparently I have chosen to do things this way, and I have to live with the consequences.
After an uncomfortable day together Sat at the end of which d refused to go stay at h's place so we all went home and had pizza and then h fiddled with his laptop all night and then slept in the spare room. When he finally got me in a position on Monday to aske me why I'd been avoiding him all Monday I told him that I was uncomfortable (he thought we had a nice time!) and that I'm like a cat on a hot tin roof around him and never sure what's going on. I said "I can't be friends with you for a while until I get my sh1t together"
He says "That's all I need to know. bye"
and hangs up.
And today I realised I needed to let him know what was going on with d this week to avoid him going off at me for keeping him in the dark with d so I sent him an email (reproduced below)
Hi,
To keep you informed as to what [d] is doing:
Today - As per normal, you will pick her up from school and I will come and pick her up from you at [hs work]. Let me know if there is a change.
Wednesday - Because I have water polo early, I have asked J (R's mum from ASC) to pick [d] from ASC and look after her till I get home. J has netball up at [your work] at 7.15pm so you might see [d] up there. J will then drop [d] home as both her and I should be returning home at about the same time (around 8-ish). If you are finishing work at 6.30pm and don't have anything on afterwards and you would like to spend time with [d] I can ask J to drop her off with you (up at your work) and I can pick her up from you or you could bring her home if you wish. If you would like to do that, let me know so I can tell J.
J has offered me their trampoline (for free) as they are moving over to the Gold Coast soon. All it needs is a new mat. I will pick it up sometime. (She has a trailer I can use). Just letting you know.
For Thursday - I have given d's teacher a note to notify the school that [d] will need to be excused early from school due to an appointment (counselling). I believe that you will need to go through the office when you go to pick her up (which I think you know anyway). I haven't yet told [d] about the counselling appointment. If you would like to talk to her about it I am more than fine with that, otherwise I'll bring it up with her tonight.
Friday - I am still going to the Indigo Girls concert. I have organised A to babysit from 6.15pm.
Saturday - while [d] is at gymnastics I'm going to the beautician. Saturday night I have tentatively arranged for [friend] to come over for a sleep over as I believe it is supposed to be my weekend to have [d]. Let me know if you this is different to what you think should be happening.
If you have time available on Saturday afternoon and would like to spend some of it with [d], let me know and we will work something out.
Sunday - I have a brunch thing with my water polo team after training. Again, assuming that I will have [d] with me, I will be taking her with me to water polo training and the brunch.
That's about it for organising things for now.
I can understand if you are very angry with me. However, I don't want to have [d] in the middle of any fights between us and I especially don't want to block you from spending time with her. I hope that we can discuss issues about [d] without arguing and organise times for you two to spend together. If possible I would like to discuss this on Thursday with counsellor) but if [d]'s there, it might not be practical to do so. We do need to discuss sooner rather than later how we are going to share parenting [d] and I would like to have a third party there to keep us both on track. I guess that is mediation which we will do do with whoever [C] recommends.
I hope you have a good day.
K
So I sent that and then sent him a text to let him know that he had email. That was at 10.30am. I get a text from him at 2.30pm saying
How very impersonal. You will have to call me to tell me because I am not at work and can't check them now
I message him back to ask if I can call now. He messages back 'whatever' (which he knows I hate!)
So I go to a spare office and take a deep breath and call him.
He says 'what do you want'
I said to go over what Ximena's doing this week.
He was very abrupt and we ended up getting into a fight about 'fine, if you want to do things by email and text that;s fine' 'if you change your mind, you come and tell me' he was paritcularly unimpressed about being snubbed about the concert.
Because he was being so abrupt and almost rude I left out the trampoline part and also left out the bottom paragraph about hism being angry with me.
It's just so 'non middle ground' with him. Either we're buddy buddy and he feels like everything's fine and I'm okay with him moving on and rubbing my nose in it but still expecting me to be available to spend time with him whenever he wants or we do what he thinks I am saying and we communicate through text and email and that's that. arrgghhh!
to quote Morgan...f him.
I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.
There's heaps of other bits and pieces which i am trying to get 'paper journalled' so I can reflect later. When I've got it covered I'll try to put it on here....
