Wiped, still, from the Halloween party (drank entirely too much, last hour to two are pretty much a blurry memory -- haven't done that in a looooong time. Remember why now, blech. Other than that, lots of fun) and trying to get a load of edits finished today.
Most likely won't be doing a lot of posting today.
Need more tea.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
HI Heimlich I did it i am finally caught up on your posts. YEAH!!!
Sounds like you had a blast this weekend. I have not had one of those nights in years. I think I may need one and soon. It is nice to just go out and be crazy a bit and not be the responsible adult isn't it.
Also I read about talking with your W about your Gram. My opinion is that you should not. I know that she offered and that you feel that will bring you closer but it could lead to R talk and that is not something you want to do. It seems like you are doing great lately so don't mess with a good thing. I think you should thank her and tell her you will think about it and just let it go. If she continues to ask questions then answer but don't seek her out to talk. That is just my opinion.
Finally really and truly woke up about 2 hours ago.
I'm generally pretty good about creating and maintaining a nice, gentle buzz. At one point Saturday, I suddenly realized that I was going to be very, very drunk. And I was. After that "moment of clarity," it's all snapshots of memory. Oh, well. Don't think I did anything stupid, that I've heard of anyway.
Off to run so that I can feel at least somewhat OK with myself for the day.
Tomorrow has got to be a better day. Eesh.
Fortunately, I don't get hangovers in the traditional sense of headaches and whatever. I just feel really mentally dull. I was an unsharpened Number 2 pencil until a few hours ago.
I'll have to read about your BBQ later on.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
At one point Saturday, I suddenly realized that I was going to be very, very drunk. And I was. After that "moment of clarity," it's all snapshots of memory.
Yeah, it was NOT a happy feeling. I've never liked getting that drunk. Anyway.
So, this was somewhat interesting. W called earlier today. Lauren was going crying inconsolably about her halloween costume, "I hate it. I look like an idiot. I don't want it. etc. etc." W called me to see if I could talk her down. Took me about 20 minutes, but got her mostly settled down. Basically, she got jealous of Casey's dress, wanted it, and decided she didn't want her original one. Basically, you can wear it or not, but we're not buying you another. Anyway. She called back later (Lauren) said she was going as a witch (last year's costume).
So, W called back later, wanting to know about scheduling for this week (girls don't have school Thursday and a few other items). I mentioned that I was planning on driving down Sat and would like the girls a few days this week (because I won't see them and because of work schedules). I hadn't mentioned this to her yet because my boss was out today and I just got in touch with my dad this afternoon. I was trying to explain myself and she kept cutting me off. Exchange went something like this: Me: I'm trying to explain what I'm thinking regarding going down W: you haven't told me anything. I don't want to get off schedule. I'd like to keep the current weeks we have for holidays. Me: I agree. I think we'll be able to work something out that we can both see them. W: I don't want them bouncing back and forth during the week. Me: Sorry, but I don't want to go a few weeks without really seeing them. W: Something about scheduling. [to this point, i had been patient and trying to get my point across. she was not listening.] Me: I am so sorry that her death is an inconvenience for scheduling with our girls. I thought that we would be able to work out a plan where we could both see them and still keep on the same basic schedule. W: [got a little heated] I'm not trying to be a biatch on the scheduling here, just tyring to figure out what's going on. You haven't told me anything. Me: You are being a biatch. I'm trying to explain what I'd like to do. I didn't figure this out until today anyway. My boss is out today, so I can't confirm with her that I can do this. You keep telling me that you don't want to talk to me and need space. I didn't have anything to say, so I'm giving you the space you want and didn't call for that reason. If you want to change that dynamic, fine, until then this is me giving you space. [she got kind of quiet] W: OK.
Another minute or two of scheduling talk (basically me saying I'll confirm this tomorrow) and then a goodnight.
That's not verbatim, but the general flow of the conversation. I tell you what, I am sick and effing tired of her assuming she knows what I'm thinking and feeling and acting like scheduling around the girls in a huge imposition on her. She chose this route. I have been extremely accomodating regarding handling the girls and she knows I'm a good dad. And I know she's a good mom.
Anyway, don't know what to make of this, but I'm not just going to sit back and be a wuss.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
W called me to see if I could talk her down. Took me about 20 minutes, but got her mostly settled down.
Is this what typically happens if one of the kids is upset when with W? I have to say I'm a bit surprised that W called.
Originally Posted By: Heimlich
Me: You are being a biatch.
Whoops.
Originally Posted By: Heimlich
You keep telling me that you don't want to talk to me and need space. I didn't have anything to say, so I'm giving you the space you want and didn't call for that reason. If you want to change that dynamic, fine, until then this is me giving you space.
I see your frustration: W wants space so you don't talk, then W says "You haven't told me anything" as you're trying to tell her something. I also get that you're not feeling like pussyfooting around with her right now, no "You're absolutely right, hon..." for you.
Heim, I'm not sure I'm in a place right now to be doling out advice to anyone on how best to win back the WAS, so I'll just ask: what's your long-term goal? If it's saving the M, I'm not sure this exchange did anything for you, though it did seem to protect your pride a bit to stand up to her aggressively.
I guess I'd just say if you're done, great. Even if you are, as someone posted to me recently, don't do anything you might regret. Are you proud of the way you handled that conversation? Does the way you responded to W there line up with your goals for yourself?
Maybe email is the way to go right now?
Just some random thoughts. Hope your head's stopped spinning.
Ah, the thing is, Puddle, I started off with this:
Quote:
I also get that you're not feeling like pussyfooting around with her right now, no "You're absolutely right, hon..." for you.
I started calm, cool, and collected. After a while, when the person you're talking to is almost willfully twisting what you're trying to say, you just get tired of it. One thing also sticks in my mind. For a number of years I've been the "yes, dear" husband. Generally, that's not a bad thing. However, I seldom contradicted her, mostly because I agreed with her opinions. Why argue,right? She used to say about a guy she kindof dated around the time we met, "I would have run all over him." She's fairly strong willed. I'm all for validating and whatnot. However, at some point, you can't just get walked over. She's was starting to walk. One, that's not the kind of man she wants to be with, I don't think. Two, if she were to come back because of that (she can do as she pleases), that's not the kind of woman I want to be with. That make any sense?
Regarding talking to Lauren on the phone. Sometimes. She's a Daddy's girl. Casey is more a mama's girl. I called my W a few weeks ago when Casey was breaking down. Honestly, I'm OK with this. One of those things, W is seeing what she wants to see. I see both Casey's neediness and Lauren's being high strung as being much closer to the surface. She sees them adjusting. They're doing OK, but . . .
So, yeah, all in all, OK with the way the conversation went. I didn't start angry and I didn't end angry, but, damn, I'll not be a doormat. Nor should anyone.
Puddle, you're one of the most clear-headed folks here, you're always entitled to give advice.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
blaring subtext (or is that an oxymoron?): W was biatchy because she has plans with OM that were being threatened if schedules shifted in an unfavorable way.
That's not verbatim, but the general flow of the conversation. I tell you what, I am sick and effing tired of her assuming she knows what I'm thinking and feeling and acting like scheduling around the girls in a huge imposition on her. She chose this route. I have been extremely accomodating regarding handling the girls and she knows I'm a good dad. And I know she's a good mom.
Heim, My W regularly tries to convince me that if our R goes the way of D, we will be able to handle situations with the kids well since we are both loving, caring, rational parents. I've always been skeptical of that and know that nothing ever goes as planned. How have your girls been adjusting to the S?
I think you handled the conversation well and stood up for yourself.
Oldtimer, I don't think it was an OM issue as it sounds like Heim was actually picking up some days he wouldn't normally have. I think the W was just being difficult and stubborn.
