I'm journaling in my own thread here. Lovelyolive has a thread titled I live it and dream it, that could have been me a couple days ago. I've had a couple dreams with OW in them and I hate that. It's such a violation.
Well, the other night it was a true nightmare. I don't remember the details other than she stopped by our house, drunk, and when I opened the door, she attacked me. I won't up yelling and flailing ... scared my H to death. The next day he told me he thought I was attacking him!
I think the dream was brought on because when OW drinks she gets nasty. I've heard H on the phone with her during those times. And this past Sunday she actually stopped by our house when she couldn't reach my H on his cell. When he went outside to see what she wanted, I could hear her yelling at him. He must have told her to quiet down because she was yelling 'no, no, no you hush.' (She'd been drinking again.)
I thought, great, the neighbors were all outside, having a party, and she's going to make a scene! She left soon after, with the radio blaring as loud as it would go. I was tempted to call the police to report a drunk driver.
I told my H the next time I have a bad dream to nicely wake me and comfort me. I can't believe he thought I was trying to attack him. I am not a violent person. He did cuddle up to me last night so perhaps it evoked a little sympathy out of him.
But I sure hate the fact that I have to live with the b*tch in my dreams...
Joie, You hooked me with the title of your thread. My W is also currently a fence sitter. Although I don't think she is still actively involved with the OG, she has yet to commit to coming back to our R and working on things. We had a discussion the other night where she told me she expects that after the holidays, she will file for D.
After having read your last post, I would imagine that your H must be getting tired of the OW's antics. Coming over drunk and arguing with him. That's totally classless and he must be seeing that.
I'm hoping your working on your detaching and GAL / PMA. I can only imagine that you are 100 x's more attractive / desirable at this point than the OW. Don't expect immediate results.
Hope... There are quite a few of us on this board living with fence sitters!
Sorry to hear your W says she is going to file. My first thought was, why is she waiting? I know the holidays are a big thing, especially with kids but perhaps she is still on that fence.
Although I call my H a fence sitter, he seems to be leaning in my direction a bit. But I'm not counting on that yet. I continue to DB and GAL where I can. Although I don't GAL too much as before the A bomb, we were pretty independent anyway. But we do spend quite a bit of time together now. I think that works best in my sitch. And I'm enjoying it. I was quite a lonely person before.
I try to be the person he wants to be with. Every time she drinks and gets nasty, that's one in my favor. The longer it goes on, the more my H seems to lean toward me. I hope you're right that he will get tired of it. She can be quite the b*itch when she's drinking and I know he won't want to live with that! He grew up with a mother who was, and still is, like that. I'm sure he's thinking about that.
However, if he's still in that fog, he may not see the situation for what it is. And when OW is not in her cups, she pursues as much as she can. Only time will tell and right now I have that on my side.
I am posting what I think is more 'good' news for me, or at least confirmation that affair with OW is burning out. Yesterday H and I drove D to a friends house. A 20 minute drive. OW called during the trip and H's cell phone went dead. Apparently the conversation wasn't going well to start with but when he lost the call he was not happy.
He said great, she's going to think I hung up on her. I offered him the use of my cell phone to call her (why, I don't know!). He said 'that will go over like a fart in church.'
I made some comment about what sort of grief he was going to get when he called her back and he said, very gravely "YOU HAVE NO IDEA."
She actually stopped by the house briefly just a bit later to get something my H printed out for her (another excuse to see him). I was helping my H change a headlight in my car when she pulled into the driveway. I almost went in the house. Then I thought, F it, this is my house, he is my H. Let her see me and my H together. Let her think about the fact that I am here with him and she is not. (I'm usually not a vindictive person, but OW really pulls strings I never knew I had in me.)
I hope she b*tched and griped all she wanted because the rest of the night was great for us. We made mudslides, popcorn, watched a movie and had spent 'time alone' while D was out of the house.
I'm feeling pretty good this morning. Hope everyone else is doing ok today, too.
Wow, she is a brazen hussy, isn't she? How dare her to come to your house! You really showed your husband what a classy lady you are. I don't know you showed such self-restraint with her being in your driveway! Look who won though. You! He spent and enjoyable evening with you instead of the psycho bit@h.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Oh my gosh!! You are amazing!! H has never talked to OW in front of me, I don't think I could handle that at all. I have been around OW many times since this happened, but she hasn't come to our home. You rock girl, and your calm demeanor will get you what you want in the end.
Sometimes it's amazing the strength you find, or never knew you had, when you need it. I thought I had been through it all a few years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer. Facing your own mortality is frightening. But this, I want to say it comes close, but compared to the alternative, well ... I guess that's where I get my strength. I guess that's why I chose the name I did ... Joie de Vivre (but sometimes I feel like I should have put a "?" at the end of it!).
I don't like the fact that she finds excuses to stop by. Actually, it's not a daily or even weekly thing. I would have a problem with that. I thought about telling my H that I didn't want her here at all, not even in our driveway, but at least this way I know he isn't running out somewhere to meet her. Pick and chose your battles...
Believe me, I'm not always calm! He was out of town last night and when I couldn't reach him, I was freaking out. I had myself convinced he was with her. I was not a great DB role model when he finally called me back! I wasn't yelling or screaming, but I did let him know I was not happy he had not checked in with me. I know from the calls he made today, and the action on our debit card, that he was where he said he would be.
The OW frankly scares me a bit. She seems extremely desperate, and combined with her angry moods, that makes me nervous. Actually, H is in bed already tonight. He left his cell phone out (he usually does not). And, since I've been sitting here typing this (10 minutes or so?) she has called TWICE!
I hope I/we can make it through this. I have more positive days than negative ones lately. H is depositing enough into our love/relationship account to make ends meet for now. And, I'm doing more than my share. I know I played a big part in my problems so I'm sticking it out. We all know just how much we can take, and so far, I'm not ready to jump ship.
OMG OMG OMG did I have an interesting Halloween night! For the first time in probably 12 years, I had a quiet evening at home. I'm usually out with my D but this year she went to a party. H and I were home alone. I had a REALLY hectic day at work and told him I wanted to chill! We usually don't get trick or treaters as as live in a neighborhood w/o sidewalks and the houses are pretty far apart. Serious trick or treaters hit the big developments so it was quiet for us.
After a glass of wine, we were getting it on like teenagers on the sofa. At the exact moment we were about to get seriously busy (sans clothes) when the doorbell rang! It was after 8 p.m. and first I could only laugh hysterically because the timing was so incredibly bad. He pulled on his pants real quick to go to the door. Then I thought, gee, it's kind of late for trick or treaters.
He gives out the candy, it was only 1 kid. Then instead of closing the door and coming back in the house he stood there watching this kid. Then he took a step farther outside. Then he came in, shut the door but was still looking outside. I said, what's wrong? He said "only 1 kid came to the door, but there were 2 kids and I saw the other one come out from behind my work van in the driveway." He was frantic pulling on his shoes and shirt to get outside. He was afraid he had left the van unlocked and there are lots of valuables in it for work.
He gets outside, and I'm not far behind him. The van is locked, thank God, but the kid had soaped his window and door and wrote "Boo, Sucker" on it. My immediate thought was OW was behind it! I brought it up and he said he didn't think so. I said, there are 3 vehicles in the driveway, and they pick your van and only your van to soap up? Why would one kid come to the door??
About that time, a van drove very slowly past our house -- an older model mini-van with a bright yellow bumper sticker on the back door. OW drives such a van, with a bright yellow Army bumper sticker on the door. I pointed and said, look I bet that's OW! Again, he didn't believe it. But a couple minutes later, we were still outside, and he comes the van again, this time going the other way, very slowly. This time he saw it but couldn't believe it was her.
He called her. At first she denied it, but then admitted it. She put her kids up to it. They also put eggs on the ground. I said, that's a nice thing to put your kids up to! He said her kids can be pretty spiteful. I said why would they be spiteful toward you. He said, cause OW and I had a fling. (I put emphasis there on the word HAD.)
We left a little while later to pick up our D and he wanted me to stop at a drug store and get soap so he could reciprocate the favor to her. I said, why, to be funny or to get back at her? He said, a little of both!! But we didn't. I told him that would probably not go over too good. I didn't want to start anything. But he could not believe that she pulled suck a trick. Neither could he believe that I saw that van and immediately thought she did it. I told him I was much more astute than he was (plus, after being put through the infidelity wringer, you're suspicious of everything, but I didn't tell him that).
The funniest part was that we were 'busy' when her kid came to the door!!!!!!! When he talked to her on the phone, she mentioned that he didn't have a shirt on when he answered the door (she must have been sitting somewhere close in the van). I wonder what she thought of that! It was dark in the house, too. Hmmm .... if she'd been a little closer she would have noticed his belt buckle not quite fastened either! I'm sure she would have been pleased at that!! Too bad.
You know what, H and I talked quite a bit about what happened last night, and us as well ... although he did not come out and say it, he pretty much indicated that it was over between them and that he was committed to me. But since I still have not heard those actual words from his mouth, I will hold off on posting my celebration thread. But I think we're close.
