Well it's over. Like the hurricane. And the next day all is calm and peaceful and blue skies shining over the debris. Be the storm. Be the calm after the storm. Let the chips fall where they may.
Oh, Morgan. I keep coming in just after all hell has broken loose....
You do NOT have to talk to him. He does not have to visit in your house. Make arrangements--maybe at MIL's where he was supposed to be living? Drop them off there, pick them up after he is gone.
Even if he does have to keep coming to the house, you do NOT have to talk to him. I tell you this as someone who had to learn the HARD way--it was too damaging to me to be anywhere in his vicinity, as I kept trying to talk to him like he was still sane, still the man I married all those years ago.
That man is gone for now. We can never be sure for how long, but prepare for forever. It will force you to find strength that you never realized you had.
Remember to call me if you ever want to--you can even wake me up.
just off the phone with my friend. she yelled at me but good, then we got down to a pretty constructive talk. one I hope to go deeper with my own therapist tomorrow.
I think db'g is bad for me. I think the gal stuff is great, but the holding on to hope and such, that hasn't been.
tomorrow is a new day. am going to go about my life. yes, h can come here. I'm not afraid of him. he can't hurt me anymore. he can try, but he can't. I still feel better, in a way, from releasing the anger at him.
I know I can't be friends with him right now. I need to cut that off. no safe path home...he's not coming home. I'm not going to be hostile to him, but I need to just be hi/goodbye with him. I can't do more, for my own health and well being. that's all that is left in me. he has made his choice, he is no longer the man I knew, and he isn't going to change back...or even move forward with me. I need to accept it and move on myself. that much is clear.
no, still don't plan to go to mediation. could change my mind tomorrow, most likely it will take longer. he says he won't, but he could go ahead and file, which is fine. his life. no doubt ow will lean on him soon enough. me, I'm going to go live mine, without him or the hope of him in it.
thanks for the support and the phone call offer, donna. hope you are doing okay, yourself.
sara, I love that, going to remember that..."be the calm after the storm." that will be my goal.
Last edited by morgan; 10/30/0703:42 AM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Since I have detached even more from H these last 2 weeks, I honestly find it easier to be nice to him. I hope that makes sense. I suppose I feel in my heart I have nothing to lose or gain by being nice, and I treat him like I would a really nice customer service person at Sam's. I don't feel 'snarky' or want to lash out, because why would I lash out at the customer service person at Sam's? They haven't done anything to me, they have their own mess.
I hope you can find some peace tomorrow and I know you can definately tackle anything coming your way.
I don't think H will file OR even broach a mediation discussion with you anytime soon.
lwb, good to know. I'm starting to get there, I think, as I come down.
neph, you are so sweet...such nice words. and you are right.
I don't even care if they are delusional or not. on saturday, h wanted to know what it would take for me to let him go...I think we both just found out.
still going to be hard, mourning the man he used to be. but now I know that man is gone.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
bad day yesterday, huh? but still, there is part of me that feels so much better for getting all the lies and all the anger out in the open.
today is a new day. will be good to myself and to my kids. will learn to forget about this person I thought I knew. at least as much as I can, considering we will be tied together thru our kids for the rest of our lives. but at least now I can finally learn to let go of him for real.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Good for you. Sometimes you just have to release all that angst otherwise it just eats you up. I did that in the beginning. I didn't find DBing until I was 11 months post bomb and we had sorted the A and moved on. I was just so consumed with hate for OW that she was still ruining my M even though she was no longer on the scene. I still hate her but this place has helped me stop thinking about her all the time. I still have yet to think of OP as of no consequence. She was a manipulative and evil b!tch. She was particularly coniving.
Are you up early or late Morgan? Are you managing to eat and sleep?
saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Morgan, why are you awake?!? You need to sleep, hon. It looks like you have been up all night. Don't forget to take care of yourself!
(((HUGS)))
Don't let them under your skin any more. They are not worth it. They are not worth sacrificing your health and peace of mind. You are that rock (as lwb says).
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
