There and Back #11

[nephartiti]

I am so so so sorry. Welcome to my angry world. I know how out of control you must feel. If you're still feeling it, get the energy out somehow. Have someone take the kids and run around the block. Exhaust yourself. You need to be careful what you leave on v-mail and e-mail. You are preparing for court. Your H has made it clear he doesn't want the kids, but still. Protect your image.

Btw, too bad H's teary call hadn't gone to v-mail. You could have forwarded that to OW too. Now I'm not helping. Oh, I envy you. There are so many times I want to call OW and say the same stuff.

[LL44]

morgan, oh my morgan. I am so mad at myself that I didn't get online today.

First of all, congratulations. You reached your breaking point and you are passed it. What happens after this..only time will tell... I think you did all the right things, I really do. You just did it...errr....with spunk...let's say. Super big hugs, my dear.

I agree with Dom, you might want to listen to his VM's at another time. You might want to reconsider mediation down the road. But those are things you can tackle another day. Now, its about you. But glad you deleted OW. Pathetic fool that she is.

I have so much to say, but I want to see how you are first.

[nephartiti]

Yes, I agree. OW is pathetic. I "choose" to believe him? Give me a break. She will ALWAYS have doubt in the back of her mind. Always. The truth will come out. It always does.

[Dom R]

Btw, too bad H's teary call hadn't gone to v-mail. You could have forwarded that to OW too.

Oooo, i think that's a GREAT idea.

[SallyM]

thanks all. I'm coming down. shaking now because its cold in hte house. should just pack it in and crawl under my down comforter with some gilmore girls on the tv.

just sad.

we had one last conversation tonight. he texted me the longest text about how I shouldn't get his mother involved and he'd like me to stop talking to her because it upsets her so much.

I know it was wrong to do, but when i was on my runaway train this afternoon, I was trying to call different people to stop me...I needed someone to shake sense into me, before I made other calls/did something I would regret (or more that I would regret). she was the last person I wanted to call, but the only one that picked up. she got an earful. not the whole thing, but a good chunk of it. I feel rotten about it. I apologized at the time, I know that's not good enough.

I called H back (sorry, texting that much would have killed me tonight) and told him I was sorry, I explained why, and told him I wouldn't do it again. he sounded drained...literally like he'd been thru a war. just done with me, I'm done with him, its a nasty way to end a marriage.

so that was that. ended up on the phone all night, with my sister and with a couple of friends of mine. they let me rant and rave and carry on. by the 4th person (wow, huh?) I finally started to feel the adreneline drain...and now i'm pretty much a rag doll.

wow, this is all going to lead to a killer hangover tomorrow.

when my friend (the therapist, not my therapist) hear about all of this, I'm guessing I'm going to get an earful. therapy tomorrow, that's good.

h comes tomorrow night to see the kids. will have places to go, things to do. honestly, I'm done db'g. no more pretending, just going to gal and live my life and no more as if to him. I'm not cut out for it.

[SallyM]

lol, oh god, I just read my little quote at the bottom of my siggy. I love it. but boy, never has anything been more true.

[mkultra]

OMG I am reading a fcitional book called Getting Rid of Matthew from the O's POV and she is confronted accidentally by the wife and she realizes what an ass the H really is and dumps him. Good for you. Good job. Well done. I am proud of you. Even in the face of all this sh%$ you held your ground and remained honest and steadfast to your integrity. THEY ARE DECEITFUL to the bitter end. Did you hearthat??? Unbelievable. It is so F$%#ing twisted. They are sick.

Why can't you go dark, for real? At least a little while? Why do these folks have so much contact with you? No more bills. No more mail. No more bank statements. Emails can be limited. No more cell phone VMs. Cut off all contact until he is sane. He is clearly living some twisted double life full of deceit and it is too cruel for you. I really hate that chick. What kinds of skanky friends does she have? What must her mother be thinking? They do need to choke on each other. How dare he blame you for their break up. Is that the most displaced guilt one has ever heard!!!!

How to handle the rage? I call a friend. Unfortunately, I may sneak a secret smoke )(shhhh!) in the garage and read US Weekly. They always have the latest celebriy trash about who cheated on who and it makes me feel like I am in OK company. Guilty pleasure. I watch Pride and Prejudice, the ending and think that I would be far better of with a Darcy than a Wickham and now I will know how to keep a Darcy a Darcy. I call my momand even though she is a hardcore B, just knowing that she is a survivor makes me feel like I can survive. Lastly, I watch TV with the kids. If I am alone I drive to Longs and buy new lipstick. MK list of rage survival. Although your is inflamed right now, nothing has really changed. It was a piece of mail that caused a huge trigger effect, right. Nothing in the world altered at all. They may stay together and he is probably putting on the damage control in full effect. This is the time when you must fight his damage control with the utmost integrity and poise. Do not let him demonize you. Make yourself martyr damon proofed! Cover your back and stay positive. You are the truthbearer, the protector of your children. No more put downs or preaching. Karma will take care of H. If he does not recognize, he will grow and old lonely man with no one to respect him. He needs to mend his ways. You are awesome. No more put downs. Even though they are true and he deserves it. It just does not hep your case in th elong run. remember his DNA in the kids. Although they have your heart!

[LL44]

Morgan, you are still DB'ing, but you are doing it for yourself and your kids. Not for H. You are moving forward whether H likes it or not.

I am glad you got it all out tonight girl, you needed it. Don't beat yourself up about his mom, you needed someone, she loves you, and she is in the middle because she loves you both. You called and apologized to H, you did the right thing.

Of course H has been through the ringer, look at his day, busted by his W for a secret checking account, busted by his OW for having sex with his W, busted by his mom for being the cheater that he is, busted by his W that he is a liar, basically his W and his girlfriend (Barf!) broke up with him on the same day....need I go on? I hope he feels that ringer. Might be the wake up call he needs, if not to come back to you, then maybe just to live his own life better.

[mkultra]

OMG I am reading a fcitional book called Getting Rid of Matthew from the O's POV and she is confronted accidentally by the wife and she realizes what an ass the H really is and dumps him. Good for you. Good job. Well done. I am proud of you. Even in the face of all this sh%$ you held your ground and remained honest and steadfast to your integrity. THEY ARE DECEITFUL to the bitter end. Did you hearthat??? Unbelievable. It is so F$%#ing twisted. They are sick.

Why can't you go dark, for real? At least a little while? Why do these folks have so much contact with you? No more bills. No more mail. No more bank statements. Emails can be limited. No more cell phone VMs. Cut off all contact until he is sane. He is clearly living some twisted double life full of deceit and it is too cruel for you. I really hate that chick. What kinds of skanky friends does she have? What must her mother be thinking? They do need to choke on each other. How dare he blame you for their break up. Is that the most displaced guilt one has ever heard!!!!

How to handle the rage? I call a friend. Unfortunately, I may sneak a secret smoke )(shhhh!) in the garage and read US Weekly. They always have the latest celebriy trash about who cheated on who and it makes me feel like I am in OK company. Guilty pleasure. I watch Pride and Prejudice, the ending and think that I would be far better of with a Darcy than a Wickham and now I will know how to keep a Darcy a Darcy. I call my momand even though she is a hardcore B, just knowing that she is a survivor makes me feel like I can survive. Lastly, I watch TV with the kids. If I am alone I drive to Longs and buy new lipstick. MK list of rage survival. Although your is inflamed right now, nothing has really changed. It was a piece of mail that caused a huge trigger effect, right. Nothing in the world altered at all. They may stay together and he is probably putting on the damage control in full effect. This is the time when you must fight his damage control with the utmost integrity and poise. Do not let him demonize you. Make yourself martyr /demon proofed! Cover your back and stay positive. You are the truthbearer, the protector of your children. No more put downs or preaching. Karma will take care of H. If he does not recognize, he will grow and old lonely man with no one to respect him. He needs to mend his ways. You are awesome. No more put downs. Even though they are true and he deserves it. It just does not hep your case in th elong run. remember his DNA in the kids. Although they have your heart!

[SallyM]

oh, he and ow are back together, she doesn't believe me (gag)

mk, I thought of you and your anger and your words at times and I swear I channeled you. maybe your mom, too.

I'm done with the lies. done with them. done pretending. I'm dark as night. have to see him tomorrow, have to talk to him when he calls the kids, and that's it